


Back in 1996

by Darkmindfulloflight



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe-ish, Hurt, John Winchester is a bad parent, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-01-20 07:41:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 31,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12428067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkmindfulloflight/pseuds/Darkmindfulloflight
Summary: Dean wakes up in a hospital, tied up. What is going on? Where is Sam? And how in the hell John is alive?





	1. Back in 1996

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fanfic about an one and a half year ago for fanfiction.net. And now here I am posting the same fic.  
> I am an extremely lazy person and I know for a fact that some of these chapters are badly written and they will contain some grammatical mistakes. I know, I should re-read them but naah.  
> And so you'll know english is not my first language which is the reason there will be mistakes, even after spell checking. And I didn't have a beta.  
> There are lots of reasons why this fic sucks but bare with it, you may even like it in the end.  
> And so you'll know I own nothing, NOTHING.  
> And know to the warnings and shit:
> 
> Notifications: I do not own (sadly) supernatural or anything related to that. If you didn't get that already.
> 
> Warnings: Mentions of attempted suicide, self harm (In this fic they are just assumptions not a real deal)
> 
> And last but not least I have to say that there might be something that doesn't add up with the show. Those mistakes might be pretty much just little details but still if I have something wrong please notify me so I can fix em.

I wake up disoriented. But one thing I am certain of, I am at a hospital. Why am I at hospital is a big mystery now but I think it has to do something with the shape shifter hunt I was on yesterday. I open my eyes. I try to sit up but I can't because I am restrained, why in the fuck I'm restrained. Panic is building up inside me. Did the feds get me, did they get Sammy. What the fuck is going on. I try to get my hands free but I can't. Hospital room's door opens and inside comes nurse and a doctor. Doctor speaks up: "Hello Dean my name is Lena, you gave us quite a scare. So how are you feeling?" I look at the woman trying to figure out what is happening. After a while doctor writes something on her clipboard and I realize that I didn't answer her question. The nurse checks my vitals and heads out of the door. "So Dean I understand why you don't want to speak at this moment but I promise everything is going to get better." Doctor says sincerely. "Where's?" ,I cough, "Where is Sammy?", I ask. "Your brother and Father will be here soon" Doctor promises. What father? Dad's dead, has been for eight long years. "Dad?" I choke out accidentally. The doctor eyes me concerned then says: "Dean can you tell me what day is it?", "Wednesday?", I say because yesterday was Tuesday. "What about what is the date of this day?", Doctor continues with a soft voice, so the day went obliviously wrong. "Umm, 27th june 2014?",I say questioning. Oh fuck now the doctor looks really worried. "Dean honey it is 16th October 1996", "WHAT?" I say maybe little too loudly.

Someone knocks on the door and head pokes in "Excuse me Dean Winchesters family is eager to see him so are you ready here." a male nurse asks. "Yeah, they can come in" The doctor says. The nurse opens the door wider and in walks so young and scared looking Sammy and little weird looking dad. I can't breath. Sam runs when he sees me and hugs me tightly. " Why did you do it Dean?", Sammy whispers, "Was it because of me, I'm sorry if it was my fault, I'm sorry." Sam starts to cry. "Wha?, No Sam, no." I say shootingly. I remember the restrains again when I try to hug Sam. "Why am I tied up?" I ask. "It's for your own safety Dean." Dad speaks up making my stomach flip. " You are dead, I saw you die."Oh shit did I say that out loud. Dad and the doctor exchanges looks and the doctor takes a step forward to me. " Dean who's dead?" She ask calmly. Almost everyone who I have ever loved. " Nobody." I reply. Doctor goes out in to the hallway with my dad and leaves me and Sam by ourselves for a moment. "Sam how old are you?", I ask. Sam gives me a strange look and then says: "Twelve, soon thirteen", " What did you mean by that, that you did see dad die?" Sammy asks. "Sammy Dad supposed to be dead or he was when I last time checked, he died eight years ago don't you remember?", fuck, fuck, fuck I forgot that which Sam I was talking to. And it seems that the doctor heard my story too. God damn it, I am so screwed.

"Dean your father and I have decided that you are spending the next week in the psychiatric wing, while we sort this situation out and if necessary you'll stay longer." The doctor says. WHAT? Hell no, I am not going to spend a week with some nut jobs." No, you can't do that, I don't even know what did I do?", I say panicking. "Son you tried to kill yourself.", Dad says, " And honestly if I had another way, I'd use it but I don't. And it is just a week, it can't be that bad", he continues. "Dad no, Dad you need to listen to me. I don't know what the heck is going on, I am 35 years old and you should be dead and Sammy should be 31. Dad something supernatural happened to me. Please don't leave me here I have figure out why the hell am I in year 1996.", I shout as the doctor escorts Sammy and Dad out of the room.

"Dean you need to calm down, okay. We have to move you into the psychiatric side of the hospital." The doctor says shootingly. " Don't tell me what to do lady", I spat. The woman nods and starts moving the bed. " So here we are.", she says." So you'll spend here a week, you get your own room." She says as she rolls me into a small room with a bed. " I am going to leave now but in a second your psychiatric should come to have a chat with you.", the doctor tells. I look my surroundings everything is dull and the room is small and contains only the bed and on drawer. I need to figure out what happened on the hunt. But it'll be hard from here. What if I just close my eyes and everything goes back the way it were. Oh my god, oh my god, what if, what if I'd made everything better this time around. Nobody would have to die, Sammy would have a better life. I could do that right, I could. Door opens and in comes a fine looking man who is most likely my psychiatric. " Hello Dean my name is Dr. Michael Lawson and I am your psychiatric. I will be having sessions with you twice a day for the next week and you will also be attending to group session with other residents here." The psycho mambo jambo says. "So in you file here reads that you are here for suicide attempt and you seem have some kind of psychosis." he says professionally. " Listen Doc I did not try to kill myself and I ain't have that psycho thingy so could you just let me go home." I say annoyed. "It is psychosis which means that you're reality has become surreal and you have difficulties of separating reality and your imagination and Dean you are still a minor which means that this is not your decision to make are you here whether not." Doc says flatly with his annoying accent. " Now I think you want to get out of those restrains", Doc says, "If you try anything after I've taken those of you have them back o before you can say your name alright", he says as he starts open my left hands restrainer. I just nod. " We don't want you to hurt yourself nor the others, especially not yourself", he continues. So I am seventeen again. I don't feel a lot different expect maybe a little smaller and my voice definitely higher than it was.

I sit up and for the first time I understand why they think I tried to kill myself. My both hands has a deep cut on wrists. The shape shifter kidnapped me and for some reason wanted to drain me out of blood. And I have a cut too in my palm which I made myself because I needed some fast blood to do the sigil. And that was before the draining me out of blood thingy. The doctor saw me looking at my arms. " You've tried suicide before", the doctor stated and after seeing oblivious confusion on my face he added, " I saw the other scars." "Oh yeah?", I say. " I am not sure what are we having battle against but Dean I promise that I'll help you trough it even though it doesn't seem that is gonna get better right now but I promise it will.", " Now I am going to leave you to get settled and sleep so good night and we'll see tomorrow, okay?", he says. I nod. " Good night", he says as he leaves the room and locks the door behind. Little shut eye might do something good. Maybe this is just a hallucination or dream from the hunt, At least I fucking hope so.


	2. Still in 1996

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is the second chapter of the week. Nothing else to tell you..
> 
> Notifications: I still don't own supernatural or anything related to that.
> 
> Warnings: Well here is a mentions about suicide and Mary's death and about dying but nothing major. (You've seen worse on the actual supernatural series (I think))

Somebody's shaking me. "Wha? Couple more minutes Sam.", I say sleepily. "I am not Sam, Dean", a man's voice says. I snap awake and see a somewhat familiar face staring down at me."I am Michael Lawson your psychiatric remember?". "Yeah.", I hoarse. Fuck, I'm still in 1996, in my 17-year-old body and in a bloody nut house. I sit on the edge of the bed waiting for him to say something. "Here are clothes for you", he says as he dumps the pile in my hands," I recommend thought that you shower first before you change into those.". "Okay so where's the shower?", I ask eager to get freshen up. The doctor motions to follow him and I do. We walk trough a room which seems to be some kind of day time room with the television, board games and everything that you'd expect to have in a place like this. "Typical", I mutter. We arrive to the shower room which is just basically just four stalls without a door, freaking excellent. "Thomas, our head nurse here will come here to keep you company and after that please come to eat breakfast, I have to head out now", Doctor, Michael says. A well build man comes trough the door " I am Thomas and I will be facing the beautiful blue wall while you shower, okay?", Thomas says with a humor. I like already this guy. As promised Thomas stares at the wall while I shower and get some clothes on. He takes me to the eating area where almost everyone is already eating. Gosh I hope they got some pie.

A cook gives me a tray with a glass of water, porridge?, piece of bread and jell-o. No pie what a shame. I hope I don't have to sit with anyone because I ain't on a chatty mood. The porridge looks and smells disgusting but mans gotta eat so I force myself to eat it. First after I have eaten I am going to find out a way to contact dad. I eye my surroundings. Everyone here is from sixteen to eighteen and no one seems to be full blown crazy. Everyone is pretty normal looking at least at a first glance. I finish eating and realize that I have no idea what happens next. I just sit and wait till almost everyone has gotten somewhere else and then I take my tray to the disposal area. I feel hand on my shoulder and it makes me jump. It is Thomas. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.", Thomas says calmingly," You can go now to the day room and watch some tv or something and in awhile Doctor Lawson will come and get you for your therapy session.", he informs. Shit I should've noticed him coming behind me. I am getting rusty. I just nod and walk to the day room. I look around where I could go but pretty much everywhere is too much people to my liking. I don't want to do some small talk with teenagers, if I have a choice I would love to spend some time alone thinking this time travelling mess through. I decide to go sit on a chair close to the television. Fuck I miss Sam. Good old 31-year-old Sammy. There is nothing wrong with Sammy the 13-year-old, actually it was pretty nice to see little Sam who has a whole bright future ahead of him. But with 2014 Sam I could figure this shit out without getting weird looks. I wonder what is going on in the 2014. Where is Sammy and how is he doing. I hope he is okay. He'll be okay I decide, Sam is a big boy, he can take care of himself.

"Dean.", I hear Michael say from the other side of the room. "Therapy?", I say questioning. Michael nods. It seems that every one just now notices me the new loonie of the loonie pin. I follow Michael to a small comfortable looking office. I stand even though Michael sits. "You can sit Dean if you want to", He says. I don't know should I sit just yet. Maybe I should see does anything happen if I don't. I stand for about five minutes until I give up and sit down. " What is your favorite color?, Michael asks. Is he serious my favorite color? I don't have a freaking favorite color. "Dunno don't have one", I say. The doctor writes something on a notebook. Seriously can you make and assumptions of a person by his favorite color. This is going to be a painfully long week. "Dean can you tell me why you tried to kill yourself?",he asks kindly. What do I say? Should I deny it? No maybe I shouldn't. I heard someone once say that accepting the truth makes progress easier. So let's play a game where I admit that I tried (not) to end my life and that I wanna get better (outta here). "I didn't try to kill myself", I say silently. Oh I hit the vain. "Dean accepting what happened and why it happened is important in your recovery", The doctor (Michael) says. I raise my eyes from my hands to Michael and sight." Umm, I don't , I don't really know why", I stumble with my words,"I just, I just never mind." "You just what Dean? You can tell me.", Michael says sincerely. I look him with him pain in my eyes, real pain. What I am about to say is a truth of my life. "I just am not enough, I let everybody down and everyone would be better without me", I say my voice shaking. Come on be a Winchester don't be a girl man up, MAN UP. Michael writes on the notebook and continues "I am sure Dean that that is not true but could you tell me why do you feel that way?". "It is not a feeling Doc, it is hard cold truth. Because every single one who I have cared about, who I have loved has died because of me. And, and I have failed to keep Sammy safe, I have failed as a brother, as a son and as a friend. So yeah I think I got pretty good reason to die.", I say with emotions shaking me. Now the doctor looks really confused. I can't do this, I can't. "I know you think you can help me but you can't and if I die it's not like I'd stay dead."I say trying to stop the emotional rollercoaster. " Can I go to my room or something, I am sick of this shit." I ask. "Dean we are not quite done here yet so please sit back down", Michael says obliviously tense. "Yes, I think we are done", I spat as I launch trough the door.

That was probably really stupid move but I couldn't stay in there any longer. And to be honest it helped a little to get some of the most crushing things out in the air. I run to my room and sit on the bed and let myself breath. Fuck I forgot to ask about the phone call. Now they think that I am even crazier than before but I don't find myself caring. I give those people a week and if they decide to keep me here longer than a week I'll make run for it.

I hear a knock on the door and see Michael stepping in. I groan "Go away" Oh I act like a teenager, fuck get a grip. "Dean I let this slide now because it's your first day and you have another therapy session with me later.", Michael says voice commanding, "Next time you don't leave the room without my permission okay?". I look at him and nod. I decide to speak up " I'm sorry, I just got little emotional and couldn't handle it." Michael looks at me softly." I, I want to get better", I say, fake tears running trough my face. "Okay, that's good Dean really good, I have to go now so I suggest that you rest a little", Michael says comfortingly. As Michael crabs the doors handle I say urgently "Hey Doc!" Michael turn's around" I was wondering that could I make a phone call.". " We have here 24h policy when patient can't make phone calls nor have visitors so if you need to make a call you can do it tomorrow", Michael says. "Okay, thanks!", I say and Michael leaves the room.

I feel myself drift to sleep and wake up screaming. Two nurses run trough my rooms door. "What's wrong?", other nurse asks. "Nightmare", I whisper. They eye me worriedly for a second." It dinner time in five minutes so you should come with us there", same nurse says. I nod noticing that I am starving. I get up and follow the nurses out of the door. " Are you okay?", the other nurse speaks up. "Super", I murmur. We arrive to the cafeteria and I eat alone.

It is 18.30 and I find out that when it's 18.30 it is group therapy. Fucking group therapy. I find myself sitting in a circle with 9 other dudes. I sit next to a free chair which belongs to the group leader and next to a pale about 18-year-old guy. Nobody talks, everyone is so quiet that you could hear a needle drop. Then of course Michael arrives somewhat loudly and sit's on the chair next to me. "Hello everyone, I am sorry that I'm late. So does anyone remember what did we discuss yesterday?", Michael asks. Everyone is quiet until a boy with buzz cut raises his hand. " Yes, Nicolas", He says obliviously not surprised that he answers. "Well we talked about our friends", the boy Nicholas said hands shaking. "Yes we did", Michael agrees. "Today we are going to talk about our families", Michael says smiling. Michael's eyes wanders around and they stop at me "Oh I almost forgot so we have new resident here so remember to say your name when you speak", Michael adds. We star from the left side of Michael so I am going to be last one who talks, great.

" I'll start I am Michael your doctor here and I have lovely wife Anna and two little girls Rachel and Lisa, they are both seven-years old.", Michael says. He motions the guy next to him to start. "Umm I'm Matt and I have Mom and sister Hanna", boy with a long hair says. " Where is your father Matt?", Michael asks. "Umm he left when I was three", he says. "Well how does that make you feel?", Michael continues. "I don't know, I never knew him so I don't really care.", Matt finishes. So there were Matt, Nicholas, Robert, Daniel, Nick, Don, Harry, Carl and Jack and every single one told about their families until it was my turn. Fuck what do I say. " Well I am Dean I have dad and little brother Sammy whose thirty-", I stop as I realize what I'm saying." Umm thirteen and then there is my mom. She died when I was four. "How did your mom die?"Michael asks. Fuck."She died in a house fire", I whisper. "And how does that make you feel?" he asks. " Sad, it makes me feel sad.", I say.

The rest of the group therapy went slowly and finally it was 19.00 which meant end of the session. Finally. I walk out of the room to my own room. I hate group therapy. I hate any kind of therapy. Winchesters don't do therapy.

At 19.15 started my other therapy session with Doctor Lawson. I walked to his office and knock the door. I didn't want to do this shit but I have to if I want to get out in a week. "Come in Dean!", I hear Michael shout. I crab the handle and go in. I sit on the chair and wait. "So Dean I think we should start where we left off.", Michael says as he types something on his computer. I shrug. " So Dean what I've gathered in here that you have some kind of illusion that it is year 2014 and that your father is dead, am I right?", Michael asks softly. What do I say to that? I can't agree but I can't disagree either cause I've said those thing out loud so denying would make my case worse. Or will it I don't know? " Dean am I right?", Michael repeats. I take a long breath " Yes, but it's not illusion", I say voice cold. "If it is not illusion the why are you here in 1997 instead of 2014.", he questions. "I don't know yet but I have to find out?", I mumble. " What if I told you that it was just a dream or your imagination?", Michael asks warily. " I'd say that, that is bullshit cause 18 years worth of memories are not explained with a fucking creative imagination.", I spat. Michael hums and writes something down. " I heard from a nurse that when you were napping you had a pretty violent nightmare", Michael states, "What was the dream about?", he asks.

"It was about Sam dying.", I whisper. I never have had those vision type of dreams or anything related to that but the dream felt so damn real that I am afraid that Sam is really dying in the 2014. Michael looks at me and nods. "Have you ever had that kind of dreams before?", Michael asks. " A couple", I answer. "Have you ever had an urge to harm someone?", he continues. Yes. "No", I say. Michael doesn't believe the lie. "Have you ever harmed someone?", Michael asks. " Yes", I answer. "Who have you harmed?", he continues. "Every single one I have cared about", I say voice emotionless. "I told you about it in our last session remember", I say not wanting to talk anymore.

"Now I ask you couple of regular questions alright", Michael says. I don't answer to him.

"Are you on any medication?","No", I say.

"Do you use drugs?", he asks.

"No".

"Do you drinks alcohol and if you do how many times per day?", he asks.

" Well in 2014 I drank everyday at least four but I here 1997 maybe one in a month", I say jokingly.

"Are you in relationship?", he asks.

"No".

"Do you suffer from hallucinations?", Michael continues.

"No"

"What are your hallucinations about? Are they visual or auditory?", he asks.

"I said I do not have hallucinations", I say angrily.

"Are you religious?", he asks.

"Well yeah", I say." Wait minute lemme think. Yeah no I'm not?"

" You are not sure?", Michael eyes me.

"Well I know that there is a god, he is dick btw and angels they are dicks too but other that no", I say smiling, "So I don't you know worship them or stuff like that because they are selfish assholes so I say again, no I am not religious."

"How do you know that god and angels are assholes", Michael asks. Oh you sneaky bastard.

"Well every single one of the angels I've met has either tried to kill me or actually all of them have tried to kill me", I chuckle," And god left heaven and doesn't give a fuck"

"Why they tried to kill you Dean?"

"Well you know the archangel Michael?", Michael nods, " I'm his vessel."

"Vessel?" Michael asks obliviously lost.

"Meatsuit", I say," Oh I forgot about Cas, he is my friend and I trust him"

"Cas?", Michael says obliviously cofused.

"Castiel the angel who raised me from hell.", I say with a chuckle." He's not an angel anymore though."

"Why not?", Michael says as he writes notes furiously.

"He lost his angel mojo but now he is learning to be human", I continue.

"Okay, so you were in hell?", Michael asks.

"Yup, sold my soul to save Sammy", I say pain hidden in my voice.

"Save Sam from what?", Michael asks focused.

"Save Sammy from dying", I whisper. I get suddenly struck by images of Sam in pain. Sam soaked in blood, in his own blood. The last image is when Sam slowly calls 911. I find myself lying on the floor of Michael's office. I hear Michael talking to me but I can't make out what he's saying. I try to get up. Michael makes me sit back on the chair. I get up and whimper "Gotta find Sam." Michael looks at me concern written in his face. "Dean what was that?", he says. "Sammy is dying gotta save him", I say accidentally out loud. Sammy is dying or if not dying at least close to death, I can feel it. I can't focus, I can't breathe, I can't do anything to save my Sammy. Not from here. I feel pinch in my arm and my world starts to swim.

"Hey Roger I have an interesting case here.", I hear Michael say onto his phone," It started as a risk for suicide but it seems that this kid might have some kind of schizophrenia but he seems very high functioning. I have to ask the family about this but I think they would've mentioned something like this.", he sights," I will call you again when I know more." All I can hear before I black out is the sound when Michael set's the phone on the table. I'm screwed, I know and it's literally all my fault but somehow I got some enjoyment from the reactions the doctor gave me when I told him about my life.


	3. Diagnosis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So chapter 3 it is enjoy.
> 
> Warnings: I don't think I have warnings about this chapter?
> 
> Notifications: I still don't own supernatural or anything related to that. I forgot to mention in earlier that I have pretty much no knowledge how mental hospitals work etc. so everything there is probably pretty much inaccurate.

"Dean!, help me Dean, please help", Sam screams from top of his lungs, "Dean you gotta wake up!".

I snap awake and try to get up but surprise, surprise I'm restrained. My mouth is dry and my ears hurt from Sam's screaming. Sam's screaming, oh god Sam. "Hello!", I shout, "Could someone get me out of here!" I try to shout a couple of more times but no one seems to hear me. I try to get my hands free but to my fortunate the restrains are too tight. "Son of a bitch" I shout frustrated. I look around the room and all my mind can procress is white. White ceiling, white walls, white floor, white door, white, white, white, did I mention that my clothes are white too. I fucking hate white, why do hospital have to be white. All the white makes me nauseous or it might be the drugs I obviously have bumped in my system, either way I feel like I might trough up.

After hours of waiting (In reality like half an hour) finally Michael comes through the white door. "Oh you are a wake now, how do you feel Dean?", he asks. "White", I say bluntly. "White?", he says questioning. "So when do I get out of this hell hole you are keeping me in?", I say looking Michael straight to the eyes.

Michael looks at his clip board and then says: "You get out of this 'hell hole' after we've chat a bit.". Of course he wants to 'chat' why wouldn't he? I look at him with fire in my eyes and if looks could kill he would've died an horrible death, several times. " Well can I at least get out of these", I spat as I move my hands in the restrains, " Because I gotta tell you laying here ain't comfy.".Why my head has to feel like I am wrapped up in cotton.

"I think those should stay on for a bit longer", Michael says calmly. "Son of a bitch lemme out", I spat. The doctor just takes a chair from outside the room, put's it next to my bed and sits down. "Dean, I have to say that I am concerned of your well being.", Michael says with a soft tone. "First I thought that you have just a depression which caused you to try suicide but now I think the depression might be a part of something bigger."

"No need to worry Doc I'm golden", I say with sarcasm. "Dean I know guys like you, pretending to be okay even in reality you're burnt out", Michael continues, " But now you don't have to pretend okay? We can help you Dean." Oh freaking god. We can help you Dean blah, blah, blah. Who does he think he is. Anger is building up in my chest. "You know nothing about me and I don't need your help! Understood?", I say furiously.

Michaels face visibly saddens and he clears his throat. Gosh now I see in two. There are two Michaels sitting next to me. Fudgin drugs. " I just don't need your help because there is nothing wrong with me.", I say thiredly. Michael just nods and writes something on the clip board. " Dean, I am going to meet up with you father now and after that if you want to, you can talk with him,", he says softly, pity glowing in his eyes.

"Yeah I'd like that", I say as my heart beat speeds up. What am I going to say to him. Would dad believe me. "No let's get you out of those", Michael says as he unwraps the restrains. I get up but too quickly. My vision get's spotty and I feel nauseous. I blinks my eyes rapidly hoping to get more clear headed.

I follow Michael out of the room and see him getting into his office where my dad already is. There is lump in my troath. Oh fuck my bladder is going to explode if I don't go to bathroom. Even though I'd love to eavesdrop the conversation between the pshyco mumbojambo analyser and my dad but I gotta take a leak.

Michael's POV

First I see when I go into my office is a large man standing in front of a chair. Behind him is a young boy, my best quess that it's Sam" Oh hey, you must be Mr. Winchester? And you Sam?", I say as I stumble with words. Somehow I feel small under his gaze. Mr. Winchester nods and I continue, "My name is Michael and as you know I am Deans psychiatric, it is pleasure to meet you both." He doesn't say anything so I just nod towards the chairs.

They sit down as I go around the table to sit on my chair. I don't know why but I feel nervous. "So you called me that you have something that we should talk about?", Winchester say's clearly irritated.

"Yes, yes I need you to be completely honest with me because what I am about to ask is really important which might help me to help Dean.", I say looking right at Mr, Winchester. I see with corner of my eye that Sam nods and Mr. Whinchester just says, "Sure."

"Have either of you ever noticed that Dean talks to someone who is not there?", I ask curiosity burning in me. Sam shakes he's head. So no for Sam. "No, why do you ask?", Mr. Winchester gruff's. When I look at Mr. Winchester I see clearly that he's been a marine. The way he holds himself screams it.

"Well Dean told me some interesting things that makes me think that he might have schizophrenia.", I say softly. I see that settle in. Sam look's at his father scared look in his face. Mr. Winchester is calm but I see him flinch but he contains himself quickly. "Things like what?", Winchester demands.

"He told me that he's been in Hell and that he has angel buddies.", I say carefully," And he says that you are dead and that Sam is dying." I waited the news to sink in. "Angels?", it's all Mr. Winchester managed out, "Are you sure because Dean might be joking?"

"Yes I'm pretty sure that he is not joking because what I got from his appearance is that he seems to believe that what he is telling.", I say."So Mr. Winchester do you go to church?".

"Me, Church?, No we've never gone to church", Mr. Winchester said. So they really are not religious. I clear my troath," So do you understand why I suspect that Dean might have schizophrenia?", I ask.

Mr. Winchester nod's, "Do you have more questions or can I see my son now?", Mr. Winchester asks coldly. "I have only one question and then you can see Dean", I say waiting for some kind of response but not getting one, "Is there a lot of mental illness on your family, aunt, uncles, grandparents?"

"No", Mr. Winchester states and gets up, " Let's go see Dean Sammy", he says softly but it was clearly an order. Sam gets up too and they wait me to lead them to Dean. I get up and go trough the door.

Dean's POV

I'm in the dayroom waiting to see my family. Why is it taking so long? What do I say to them. Calm down Dean, calm down. There is something wrong with me, I've never got this nervous before. It might be the teenage hormones though. I hear Michaels offices' door open. My heart jumps to my throat. I see Michael walk out with dad and Sam tailing him. I get up. Dad looks at me worry covering his features. Why is he worried? Dad's never been worried. Lump in my throat get's bigger. They take chairs and comes to sit in front of me so I sit back on the chair I was sitting when I was waiting them. Michael leaves and there we are the Winchester family. "Hey dad, Sammy", I greet them.

"Dean!", Sammy bursts out and hugs me. "Hey buddy!", I whisper. Sam sits back to the chair. "Why didn't you tell us Dean?", dad says voice cracking. What?, "Tell you what dad?", I say quietly.

"Why didn't you tell us that you see and hear things that aren't there? Angels?", Dad bursts out anger radiating off of him. Does he really think that I am crazy, delusional? "I know that what we hunt is pretty messed up and these folks would think we were all crazy Dean but angles? You thinking that I am dead?", dad says quietly so no one could hear us. "When did you start having these delusions?".

"Whoa dad no, you got it all wrong", I start," Dad, Sam you need to listen to me without interrupting me okay?", Sam nods immediately but dad hesitates." Please Dad listen me out", I plead. Dad nod's.

"So I know this sounds crazy but I'm from future, to be exact from year 2014.", I say. Dad looks like he wants to hit me." And in 2014 something happened that caused me to go back in this year.", I breath out.

Dad looks at me suspiciously and then says, " So in the year 2014 I'm dead?". "Yes", I whisper. "Dad I really need your help to get me back there. Sam is hurt and he is god knows where.". Dad shows mixed feeling and then says softly (which is weird cause mighty John Winchester has never spoken softly), "Dean do you realize how messed up that sounds?" The heart from my throat drops to my stomach, he doesn't believe me. He doesn't believe me.

"You don't believe me?", I say afraid. Dad was my only choice, now I have to figure this all out myself. Dad shrugs. "Dean those things are impossible"." Impossible? Dad we hunt monsters for living! It doesn't mean that something is impossible if it hasn't happened before", I shout maybe little too loud but like I care. My own father does not believe me.

"Sammy please believe me!" I plead looking Sammy straight into eyes. Sammy is so small. " Dean that is seriously impossible and in top of that you tried to kill yourself", Sam says with a small voice. So my own brother doesn't believe me. " I did not try to kill myself alright?, I got my wrists sliced up by a shapeshifter.", I say frustrated.

"Shapeshifter? Dean there were no shapeshifter there just you knife in your hand.", Dad tells me. Fuck, I had knife in my hand? I have no explanation to that. "No there were no shapeshifter in here I meant that there were shapeshifter in the year 2014!" I say voice pleading that they would understand. Dad just shakes his head, "I'm sorry son." He stands up and I hug him. Dad obviously doesn't know how to react cause Winchesters don't hug but couple seconds later he wraps his hands around me and kisses me on the forehead. "You can't leave me here Dad, you can't", I whimper. He doesn't say anything to me, he just motion Sam to get up and turns to leave.

I hug Sam too and as they leave I decide to shout something that I've rarely said, "I love you!". Dad stops on his tracks for a second and then continues walking, leaving Sam by his side.

All John Winchester could think that what was happening to his eldest son. He wanted to believe Dean but what he was telling was too much and too crazy to be true.

An hour has passed and it is time for a therapy session with my shrink yay. I sit in his office looking at my hands still sad that my own family didn't believe me. But I do what I usually do, I don't let it show.

Michael asked questions I answered, blah, blah, blah. At least now he thinks that I admit my 'delusions' as delusions. Now as Michael said, I am on a road of recovery. or not recovery but on a road of coping and living with my illness. Yeah gotta admit that I just wanted to bunch the guy couple of times.

So apparently I am not getting out in a week but in two weeks if everything goes well. Michael said that they just have to find me right pills to keep the delusions and hallucinations at bay. And after two weeks I can be released to the care of my father and I have to attend weekly therapy sessions. Fucking fantastic.

So my official diagnosis is indeed schizophrenia and depression. I wonder what dad thinks of me now. Even though in my time dad is already dead but still I feel agitated to earn his approval.

Two day has passed since I saw my family and I have been here, what four days? I have not seen visions about Sam. I have been high on meds which makes me scared that what if the meds really work and seeing Sammy in pain is just a delusion. But I decide not to go there. It is all real right? Of course it's real, 18 years worth of memories are not explained just with delusion and hallucinations. Get a grip Winchester.

I've tried to figure out how do I escape from here but all my plans have had a dead end. I haven't really tried them cause I know if I fail they are just going to lock me up for good. I can't risk that. So only change I got is to sit still and be a good boy for another week now. I can do it and I will.

7 days to go and I get 'home', actually dad told me yesterday when he and Sammy visited me that he rented an apartment and got a job. So we are staying still apparently for a while. Good thing is that Sam can finish his School year in one place but bad thing is that John Winchester hates staying still. But it kinda feels nice to know that dad really cares, even though he doesn't show it.

Day's pass with a same routine every day. I wake up then go to shower, eat breakfast alone, sit alone watching TV, go talking with Michael, sit alone watching TV, eat lunch, go to my room, group therapy, sit alone watching TV, therapy with Michael, dinner, chilling in my room, supper, I go to sleep. I have been trying to figure out how to get back in my time but with no out outside source I haven't had much success.

Michael thinks that I am nicely improving and it is good to know that he thinks that even, though I've been feeding bullshit to him these past two weeks. So yeah two weeks has gone by and dad will pick me up in two hours. I have regular clothes on and I am more than ready to go.

I walk nervously back and forth accidentally bumping into a boy. "Sorry", I mumble. I look up and see him looking at me. "So you'll going home", the boy asks. "Yup", I say with a pop. "Nice, have fun outside in the real world", the boy says as he starts to walk away. I will, I will.

"Mr. Winchester your father is here!", I get called at by a nurse. I hurriedly get up and follow the nurse. I see dad getting my medications and weekly program that I should follow. I say bye to Michael who is watching me leave. I follow dad to my baby. Oh my baby, long time no see. I hop in the shotgun and dad starts driving.

Sam is waiting us at the apartment making it Dean prove. When we arrive at to our destination. I see Sammy waiting us outside. He looks at as with excitement glowing in his eyes. Something flickers and there were Sammy was is now Sam. Freakishly tall Sam who looks dead on his feet. He has cast in his arm and looks pretty banged up. I feel relieved. Sam is not dead, he is not well but he is alive.

I stumble out of the car and walk towards Sam. I squeeze him in tight hug but he feels wrong. He feels small. "You are suffocating me", I hear Sam's voice peep. The flickering is back again and I realize that Sam is gone and Sammy's back. What in world is going on.

"Let's get you inside", I hear dad say. I follow them to the apartment feeling hollow.


	4. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday to me and a new chapter to you. On this day when I should be getting gifts you get a gift: the fourth chapter of my shittyish fanfic. YAY!! Right?
> 
> OKayy now people.
> 
> Warnings: Not really any warnings to give you. There might be some of the warnings I've given you in other chapters so yeah check them out. OR not, your choice.
> 
> Notifications: Don't own supernatural or anything related to that. There might be mistakes (remember English is not my first language) And pretty many things might be inaccurate so I'm sorry (not really).

The apartment is small but better than any motel. There is simple kitchen, small living room and one bedroom. I walk further inside and say, "Nice place you got here." John just grunts.

Uncomfortable silence surrounds us and to be honest I don't know what to say. Cause I can't like start talking about the time travelling , I'd end up back in the nuthouse. "So where is the bathroom I gotta take dump?", I say breaking the silence. Sam just points where it is.

The bathroom is also pretty small with regular stuff toilet, shower etc. For my surprise I find out that the bathroom door doesn't have lock. Great! I do my deed's, wash my hands and walk out. I stop on my tracks when I see my dad cooking, COOKING. "What's for dinner?", I ask curiously. "Chicken", dad answers simply and in a tone like it is normal that he is making dinner.

I sit next to Sam on the kitchen table. "Watcha doing Sammy?", I ask teasingly. "It's Sam and I'm doing homework.", Sam says annoyed but I can see that there is relief mixed up. "On FRIDAY?", I say with a chuckle. "Yeah, I have to do this essay for Monday and I want to do it without hurry.", Sam says like it explains the fact that he is studying on Friday. I let it slide so I just ask him what is it about.

"I have to write about the world war II", Sammy says while taking notes. "Okay, I remember when I had to write essay about that and let's say I nailed it", I say recalling getting F+ from it. "Yeah sure", Sam say's smile on his face.

"How's School?", I ask wondering, should I be in school too. " It's okay.", "Ohh Sammy has a girlfriend", I say laughing. Sam's face goes red and he shouts," No I don't!". "Samanthaa!", I tease. Sam throws his note book in my face. "Samantha there is no reason to get violent", I keep teasing. "Jerk", Sam say annoyed but smiling. "Bitch", I answer with a smile.

While I ate I found out that I am on my senior year and I should be graduating soon. Dad said that the school board were thinking that I should re-do my senior year because they think that my 'illenss' has been main problem why my grades were so bad in last year and also in this year. My grades are or were so bad because I simply didn't find time to think or worry about some essays and stuff.

School wasn't important to me. I knew that I wasn't going to College. I knew that I would be in the family business. Actually when I was seventeen I never thought about life without hunting not like Sam did. Maybe I should try to take school for once seriously. Who get's the opportunity to go back to highschool. Well first things first. I have to find a way to get myself back in my time.

"Dad, I don't want to re-do this school year.", I say. I can do some research while I am 'at school'. If I stay at here I can't do anything because dad'll follow every move I make. "You sure Dean? Maybe you really should go it trough again?", Sammy says as he stuffs food in his mouth. "Yeah Sam I'm sure, so dad what do you say?", I say determined."It's okay for me but I think we should discuss this with your doctor first", Dad says while reading a newspaper probably looking for hunts.

"No need for that", I say, " I have my med's and they're working and I really wanna go okay?". Dad studies me and nod's, meaning that I won. I'm going to school. Fantastick. Sam gives me a weird look and I could hear him mutter something about the meds making me weird.

The day turned to evening and I was starting to feel drowsy. Fucking pills. " I think I'm going to go to bed", I say slurring and glansing at the clock, it was 9pm. Why do I have to be so tired, "Where do I sleep?", " There are two bed's in the bedroom for you and Sam", John say's tiredly. "What about you Dad, don't tell me you are sleeping on the couch?", " Dean! It's okay.", Dad says. "But Dad", I whine," I can sleep on the couch"

"No but's Dean now go to bed", Dad says commanding. "Yes sir", I say as I go to the bed defeated. I fall asleep pretty quickly. I dreamed of hell.

I wake up covered in cold sweat. God I need a shower. I glance at Sam's bed and see that he not there. I hear quiet conversation coming from the kitchen. I decide to get up and go to eat something.

I moan as I eat greasy burger dad got me. Sam makes disgusted sound and I laugh. "What?", I ask from Sam with a laugh. "You are disgusting", Sam say's with a snicker. "Disgusting huh? You should've tasted the hospital food. Because that was disgusting.", I say mouth full of food. Sam just huffs. We continue eating in silence.

I seriously had forgot about the med's I had to take untill the moment dad put two huge pills in front of me with a glass of water. I look up to my dad and his expression tells me that if I don't take them voluntarily he'll force them down my throat. Not wanting that, I take both of the pills one for depression and one for schizophrenia in my hand and wash them down with the water. Fuck they taste awful.

After that dad decided to go my daily routine trough with Sam and me. So shortened version. My day' have to start with strong breakfast followed by medication that I have to take latest at 10am. I have to eat five times a day. At lest the first month I should have somekind of guardian with me all times. I have to avoid stressfull situations. And I can exercise but for the first month very lightly. In to the weekly program were marked my therapy sessions etc.

The weekend passed too quickly and it is now Monday. I have to got to school, yay. We ate breakfast, I took my medications and before I knew it I was sitting in Impala parked in front of school. Dad drove because apparently I am not allowed to drive anymore. Fantastic, fucking fantastic.

Sam and I started walking towards the school. Sam showed me where the office is and then headed to his class because he didn't want to be late. Geek.

"Hey! Excuse me I am Dean Winchester and well, yeah I'm new.", I say awkwardly. A women with big wide smile blasted on her face says, "Oh we've been expecting you." .I smirk a little.

"Let me give you your schedule", the women digs trough big stack of papers, "Here you go!", she dumps papers in my hands. "So today your first class would be math but you have to do placement test to figure out which class you should attend.", She dived into the paper stack again.

"Here we go,", she says as she gives me the test," You have about 70 minutes time to do that." motions me to follow her. We stop in front of a door which says counselor. "You do this here in counselors office and after you're done give it to her, then she'll show you around", the woman says as we walk trough the door. "Hey Kristen! Dean Winchesters here to do the placement test for math", the women shouts. I get greeted by youngish woman.

I sit down on a desk and start doing the test. The test is surprisingly easy but I answer most of them wrong, intentionally. I don't want to surprisingly be 'good' at math. Gosh I am going towards being forty and I am doing a placement test. Shit I am going to die in boredom here.

I did the test in reality about 20 minutes but I 'did' it in 45 minutes. "I'm ready", I say to the counselor. "Oh, you were fast", she say's with a surprise. I just shrug.

"So next class you have is history with Mr. Royan but it starts in 40 minutes,so why don't we chat a bit", she says smiling. I don't say anything.

"How are you feeling Dean?, about coming to school?", she asks. "Okay, I guess", I answer wanting to be done with this 'chat'. Kristen just hums and continues, "You probably know that we've been informed about your schizophrenia?", I nod, "So I want you to know that if you ever feel overwhelmed or out of place, you can just leave the classroom and come here, "You don't need to say anything to anyone, you can just leave, okay?".

"Okay", I say with a small voice. I immediately like her. She kind of reminds me of mom. "So other teachers know?", I ask. "Yes they do but I promise this'll be just between the staff and your family, none of the peers'll know if you yourself don't tell them." She says convincingly. "Like I will tell them", I chuckle. Kristen just smiles.

Kristen leads me to to my history class. "Here we are, you can find the room numbers from your schedule, they are pretty easy to find", Kristen says and gives me encouraging smile.

I walk into the classroom. I see a man with beard in front of the room. I presume. He looks at me and says, "Dean Winchester?", I nod. He just gives me books that I need and tells me to pick a seat where ever I want. Thank god I don't have to introduce myself to the class.

The class was boring. So were the rest of the classes I had. I don't talk to anyone expect to say, "Hi", to Sammy when he passes me in the halls.

At lunch time I for the first time can try to find something about time travelling. So I walk to the local library. There is nothing simply nothing that'll help me. Apparently time travelling is just fictional. It has never happened before and it will never happen in future either. Well bitch you are wrong, it happened to me.

When I arrive back to the school I see Sammy standing there. Everything flickers. I get struck by a smell. It smells like booze and Bobby. Oh shit the smell is like what Bobby's place smells like. I see Sam and Bobby arguing about something. Sam is still pretty banged up. I am glad that he is with Bobby. With Bobby?

Bobby died in 2012 right? So how in the hell he is talking to Bobby in 2014. I blink. Suddenly Bobby is gone and Sam is alone. "Dean!", Sam shouts, "Dean!". I walk towards him. No he is Sam now.

I feel nauseous. 'Go to Bobby's place' echoes around me. Bobby's place? It struck me Bobby is still alive and kicking. I need to go and see him but how?

"Dean, where were you I was worried", Sammy says to me with pleading eyes. He probably though that I am running after my 'hallucinations' or something. "I went to the library, sorry I didn't tell you", I say as I rub his head.

I Still feel nauseous and it feels like I have hundreds of needles pierced in my skull. "You should go to your class geek boy.", I say with chuckle. Sammy stares at me worried. "See something you like?", I say with a smirk. Sam ignores the comments.

"Dean, are you okay?", he asks."Yeah I'm", I get crushed by really strong wave of dizziness."I'm." ." Dean!", Sam shouts as he crabs me by my shoulders steadying me. "Okay I feel sick, must be the damn med's", I whisper as my vision get's spotted.

Next thing I know I am at nurses office. I hear Sam talking to the nurse but I can't make out the words. 'Go to Bobby's Dean, go to Bobby's' echoes. "Sam", I say as darkness consumes me.

I wake up and find myself still in the nurses office but now I am laying on a couch. "Sammy", I mumble as I try to get up. "Lay down Mr. Winchester", I hear a woman's voice say but I don't obey, "Where's Sam?", I ask voice slurring. "Your brother went back to his class but now you need to rest a bit", she answers.

"So what happened?", I ask because it is not like I don't have clue, I do know what happened but I want to know what they think that happened. "Well young man let's say we think that you started school a bit too early after your release.", she says kindly," So this is just simply a reaction to stress and tiredness."

"Your father will come to pick you up in half an hour or so", she say's tying her black hair into a ponytail. My dad came to get me and the car ride went in total silence.

"I called your doctor and he recommended that you should start also on anti-anxiety medication", my dad stated as he poured himself a cup coffee. "Anti-anxiety medication, dad I don't want to get more drugs in my system", I say whining.

"Dean", dad says in a warning tone, "I know that you are not a fond of getting on new drugs and I am not either but look what happened today." He ran a hand trough his hair, "You don't want that to happen again do you?". I just look at him blankly. Fuck. I don't want to be high on some drugs that I don't actually need. "Do you?", dad say's voice firm. "No, dad I don't want that.", I say defeated.

Monday became Tuesday and Tuesday became Wednesday and before I even could register it it had gone two weeks. I am now high on three medications one for the schizophrenia, depression and anxiety. I have been 'doing' well in school while trying to reshearch how to get my ass back to the future.

I have had few problems with the research though. For my fortunate libraries are no use, neither are the old book stores and I gotta say I miss google now. Hell I miss computers and those smartphones which broke if you accidentally dropped them. And I'd kill to get one of those thingy's that Sam corrupted my baby with when I went to hell. Just because it would be a a reminder of the days to come. The days I fucking belong to. I'm soo full of this shit. All of it.

And I can't go to Bobby's either because dad has no business there and probably won't have for a while. And I just can't leave myself with all the psycho mumbojambo going on with me. I haven't seen Sam since the first day at school. Maybe he'll appear again if I get to Bobby's. Maybe not. I am now at a local coffee shop having a study session with a friend of mine. At least that's what I told dad and Sammy. I'd kill for a beer right now but dad won't let me have any. 'Dean you can't have any because you are on drugs and you are underage blah, blah, blah' It's not like you cared before am I underage or not. Well maybe dad has just become soft.

A young girl about 17 is flirting with me from across the room. I try to be nice to her but I don't know, if I had a choice I'd run to the bar across the street and bang a woman from there rather than be here with horny teenage girls. Once about a week ago this girl from my school kissed my from out of nowhere. I washed my mouth with soap couple of times in disgust. When I was 17 myself I would've been flying at the skies with my charm and getting the girls attention but now. Now I am almost 40-year-old dude in my 17-year-old body so lets say I feel like pedophile kissing girls so young.

The girl is suddenly in front of me. "Hiya there handsome, I am Lily and this is my friend Hanna,", she said as she touched her hair playfully,",mind if we join you?". I took me maybe a bit too long to progress what she said so they just sat down in front of me. "Sure, I'm Dean", I say in a delay.

"Dean," the girl says playfully," it suits you.", I shrug, "Well, yeah it's my name.". The other girl, Hanna I recall picks up my notebook, "Studying?" I nod and try to take it back. She looks trough it. "What language is this?",Hanna says amazed, "Seriously Lily look." She shows the notebook to her. I just roll my eyes and take it back. "It's latin and do not ever touch my stuff okay?", I say in annoyed tone.

"So how long have you studied latin?", Lily asks. Oh these girls are getting on my nerves. "All my life but now if you girls won't mind, I have to go",I say as I stuff my belongings in to my pack. "Jerk.", I hear behind me but I just keep walking.

I look at my watch and see that the clock is 19.15, fuck I am late for my therapy. I run there in about 15 minutes but I am already late 45 minutes which mean that I have 10 minutes left of the session. I knock on the door. "The door is open!", I hear Michael shout. "Hey, I'm so sorry that I am late, I was studying with my mate Brandon and I lost track of time", I babble. I know that Michael will understand but I just don't want him to get suspicious of me.

Michael looks up from his computer and says warmly, "Oh yeah, it's okay". "Sit down we have about 7 minutes left.", I sit down on the comfortable chair." How has the past week been?", he asks.

"Well last week has gone pretty well, I think I'm finally fully adjusting to the pills and yeah everything is going nicely", I say with an ease. Michael smile at me. "That's really good Dean, so you think that the pills are working, no hallucinations, no thoughts of suicide?". Well if seeing Sam from 2014 does include of being a hallucination then yes but like I am going to tell that to him. I accidentally chuckle. Fuck." Umm no they are working just fine", I say with a smile.

These weekly therapy sessions with Michael are simply useless waste of time and money. It just makes me want to hit a hole in a wall because you can't imagine how expensive it is to pay all of the drugs and therapy sessions.

It feels like I am a disappointment to dad. I see from his eyes that he is eager to go hunting. I think he'll crack soon. I know that.

Sam is well Sam. He's still in love with school which is not surprising knowing Sam. And finally he isn't so careful with me. Actually everyone has pretty much stopped walking like on glass around me. Let's say it almost made me insane.

February 16, 1997

I have been now here back in time for almost five months. Five FUCKING months and I am still here. Well at least I'm eighteen now yay. I haven't had a change to go to Bobby's because dad still doesn't trust me with Impala. He doesn't trust me with MY BABY, how dares he. Doesn't he know that I love baby like my own freaking child. Apparently not.

I've gone to school, been a good boy taking my med's. And thank you God thank you, dad started hunting about a month ago again. The fun thing is that now Sam is allowed to go on hunts but I'm not. Those hunt's have been pretty much salt'n'burns so I am not missing out on anything but still I fucking need to hunt too. But in next week I am not going to complain hell no I'm going to burst out and sing fucking Disney songs. Dad and Sammy are going to go for a hunt for a week, a week. And that my dear angel in a trench coat is my opportunity to go to Bobby's house.

The day has come. Dad and Sam left two hours ago and I am ready to fly too. I steal a car and start driving to Sioux Falls , Shout Dakota. The trip takes about seven hours from Minnesota to Shout Dakota. I could've made it in five but I didn't wan to risk getting pulled over.

Finally I see the sign 'Singer's salvage yard'. My heart drops to my stomach. This is the place where I grew up in. This is a place I love. This is the place which reminds me of the death of my family member. But here in this timeline he's not dead. I drive in to the yard and get out of the car. I find myself in the front door unable to knock. What if he is not there. Come on Winchester knock. I knock and get holy water splashed on my face. I can't help but smile. Bobby Singer is alive in front of me and looking young, younger than ever.

"Dean, what are you doing here?", he says as he let's me in, "where's ya old man?". "He is not here," I say looking around. "What do ya mean he's not here?", Bobby says confused, "And who's car is that?", he points at the grey car I stole. He looks at me in the eyes. "Dean tell me ya didn't steal that car", he says irritated. He must've seen it in my eyes because he grunts, "Damn it ya idjit!". He wipes his face with his hand. I look at him with sincerity , "Bobby, I need your help."


	5. Unicorns and glittery fields

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5th chapter here ya go:
> 
> Notification: I do not own supernatural or anything related to that as you probably already know and be aware of that there might be mistakes on the grammar and spelling.
> 
> Warnings: None?

Bobby immediately made me a cup of coffee and something to eat after I said I needed his help. He didn't ask anything because I know that he is going to expect me to spill out everything while we eat. "Mmm Bobby I missed your food", I say enjoying Bobby's roast. Bobby just gruffs and looks at me expectantly. "So what do you need help with boy?".

I haven't really planned what am I going to tell him because I'm not sure is he going to believe me if I say, "Hey Bobby I am a time traveler." , or "Bobby you know what your gonna get killed by a leviathan, how do I know, well listen up, I came back in time.". I need solid plan but I don't have one. I don't think that Bobby knows about my visit in the pshycoland so there might be a possibility that he is going to believe me.

I keep stuffing the food in my mouth so I don't have to answer yet. But to fast I have no food left to stuff in my mouth. It is time to talk. "Well ", I scratch my head, "Well the thing is I need your help to find out about time travelling." I look up to see Bobby's reaction. "Time travelling?", Bobby gets up and walks in front of a huge bookshelf. "Well one thing I know is that it is impossible." Bobby searches from the aisles moving couple books aside, "Here it is", he says as he pulls out really small pathetic looking book. He gives it to me. "It is the only book I have in my hands about time travelling and let me say boy there is no use to even look at it", he says silently. "Why?", I ask holding the tiny book in my hand eager to get reading. "Well it's enochian and as far as I know no one knows how to read it.", Bobby says trying to read my expression. "I can.", I say silently reading the books title,'time'. How lame is it to title a time travel book by a name 'time'. I chuckle at it.

"You say you can read enochian?", Bobby says unimpressed. I show the books cover and point to the title. "This here means time," I say flipping the book over, "They couldn't make a cooler title like, hundreds ways to time travel or or, okay I am out of ideas." Bobby's reaction is hilarious. He stares at me mouth hanging open. I smirk. "Don't bullshit me boy", he says trying to hide his expression. "Bobby I am not kidding I can read enochian.", I say my voice serious.

"And where'd you learn that? No one knows how.", Bobby says suspiciously. I shrug. "You wouldn't believe me, at least not yet.". "Boy you got three minutes time to explain yourself or I'm calling John to explain it for you.". Shit I can't get dad into this. I'd fly back to the institution. "Okay, I explain you everything if you promise not to freak out and not to tell my dad anything", I say afraid this is not gonna work. Because Bobby could just decide to call dad anyway. Bobby scratches his beard "I can't promise that Dean ya know that.". Okay no promises then. "Okay but please at least promise me that you are not going to call dad right away?", I say pleading. "We'll see kiddo but now tell me whats going on with the stupid head of yours.", Bobby says with warmth.

I inhale deeply trying to find a good way to start. "Well, you know shapeshifters right?", Bobby nods. "Well me and Sam were hunting that kind of son of a bitch", Bobby's face is red with a shock trying to say something but I continue,"Lemme finish Bobby, well yeah the son of a bitch weren't as easy to kill as we though it was." I stop to think how to continue. "Me and Sam we got hurt pretty badly, Sam was worse off than me and then", Bobby cut's me off. "YOU BOYS WERE HUNTING A FREAKING SHAPESHIFTER, DEAN YOU OUGHTA KNOW HOW DANGEROUS IS THAT AND SAM IS WHAT THIRTEEN? WHERE WAS JOHN IN ALL THIS? I'M SO GONNA SHOOT HIM IF HE COME NEAR MY HOUSE AGAIN. GOD DAMN IT.", Bobby is simply furious and even though I'm adult he still scares me from time to time.

"Well dad wasn't there then", I say flatly and I see him getting furious again so I quickly try to explain myself." And Sam wasn't 13 he was more close to 30." I wait the news to sink in. "Bobby I'm from future.", I say smirking. "Ya boys are killing me ya know that?", Bobby shrugs. I look at him in disbelieve. Why Bobby's believing me this easily. "You can keep the book Dean but there isn't much I can do to help ya", Bobby say as he takes a swing from his beer. "I can call around but I don't think that'll help ya idjigts much.".

"Thanks, can I crash here for couple of days? Dad and Sam are on a case so they kinda left me behind aand I'd have here the peace I need to try to figure things out.", I say almost literally begging to him to let me stay because I am dead on my feet so driving isn't really an option. "Sure, you now where things are.", Bobby says putting his coat on." I'm gonna go to a grocery run, I'll be right back." Bobby leaves and I am all alone at the house.

I go to shower because I stink and I need some cool water to get me relax a little. Well relax as much as you can with memories of hell and the future ahead. Some part of me wants to stay here. Start over. Give up. But I can't, I can't live on with the knowledge that Sam is out there in the terrible world I left behind. And I can't help thinking that what would happen to him if I'd just stay. But I won't stay I've made that decision the day I found myself in this mess. I will keep researching and researching until I find the way to go back. If after all that I still can't find my way back the I get Cas's feathery ass down on earth and make him help me but I doubt that it's my Cas. It'll be just like any other angel following commands without a question. I'm glad he came to his senses. But I think the summoning an angel will be my last resort. But first things first. I have to read the time travelling book from cover to cover and if I don't find anything useful then I get the big guns out.

The book is fucking useless piece of shit. Fuck. There is nothing nothing about time travelling in it. It is a fucking book about fucking unicorns for fuck's sake. UNIFUCKINCORNS. Who the fuck names a book about fucking unicorns 'time'. TIME? I want to scream. I've used a fair amount of time trying to read the book. Everything in it was really weird with all the glittery fields talk. And the last sentence made me crack. 'And that is how you capture a unicorn'. I was reading about unicorns for three day's straight without the knowledge that I was reading about unicorns. Well son of a bitch at least now I know how to capture a fucking unicorn if I come across one.

I haven't slept in three day's, I haven't taken my med's because I forgot to take them with me. I want to stop using them but this is not really comfortable to have a massive migraine with the glory of puking and all. I would've stopped them day by day not all in one. I knew this was going to happen. At least I know how it must be to drug users.

I'd really have to get going to home but I don't think I can drive in this state. I can't ask Bobby to take me because he went to help some other hunters with a case including a vengeful witch the same night I came here. But I really have to go, I can't miss my therapy. Maybe I should sleep a bit and the start driving slowly towards Minnesota.

I wake up with a terrible headache and dry mouth. I am also starving. Must be from the vomiting. I slowly make my way downstairs and see that Bobby hasn't gone back yet. I have to leave a note that I am leaving. I take my phone from the kitchen table and see 12 missed call from dad, 15 from Sammy and even 6 from my psychiatrist. What the fuck is going on. I see what the date in my phone is. It is a day after the day dad and Sammy should be back which means that I slept freaking 3 days. I have missed my therapy and dad probably has found the med's I left behind. Fuck.

I quickly leave Bobby's house leaving behind a note that I was never there if my dad asks. I get on the road. Driving slightly over the speed limit. I have no idea what to say for an excuse. I can't tell the truth either because I have pretty strong feeling that my family and all the doctors think that I have been driven by my hallucinations over again. But neither I tell the truth or not I think'll I am literally screwed.

I stop at a gas station because my vision is starting to shake from the dehydration and hunger. I end up buying three bottles of water and dozen chocolate bars. After downing them I continue my driving with fear of puking and desire of pie with me.

After couple of hours I see a sing of Missisippi. I pull the car on the side of the road and start walking. Cursing because if I had had my baby I wouldn't had to steal a car and walk my bloody way back. I have one water bottle left drinking it as my throat starts to feel dry. I wonder how Sam is doing because I haven't seen him in a while. Last time was too long ago. Those vision thingy really freaks me out but they are my way to know how Sam's doing so I'm glad that I have had em.

I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket taking it in my hand to look who is it. I look at the screen of the phone and see the name Michael in it. Son of a bitch should I answer. Maybe I should so they'll stop haunting my ass. I answer to the phone hearing surprised exhale in the other side of the line. "Dean is that you?", Michael says voice calm, "Dean it's me Michael.". I don't answer because I really don't know what to say. I hear that Michael is talking to someone else clearly giving orders. I really want to dug myself a grave now. He speaks up again. " Dean listen to me, you need to tell me where you are, can you tell me where you are?", I swallow. "Road", I say my voice harsh and dry. "Good, good, now Dean can you tell me what road is it", Michael says really really calmly to my opinion too calmly. I don't answer so he continues, "Can you see anything a restaurant, any signs, anything?" I keep silence trying to think should I tell them where I am or not. Deciding to tell him where I am because it's starts to rain heavily. "I see a gas station.", I hoarse trying to get my voice to work. "Good, good Dean where the station is Dean?", Michael's says clearly pleased with my answer."It is the big one here in Minnesota", I say as I try to wipe the water out of my face. "Dean stay where you are I am coming to get you.", Michael says hurriedly.

Not long I see a black car pulling over to me and I see it's Michael. Michael comes out of the car and walks around the car opening the shotguns door. He get's to me and takes a gentle grip of my arm and helps me into the car. Michael tries to make some kind of conversation but I mostly keep quiet trying to figure out how to get out of this mess. Oh god I can't believe how stupid I am spending days reading a stupid unicorn book. God damn it.

The drive isn't long. Michael drives to the hospitals and helps me out of the car walking me towards the doors of the ER. Fuck. I see dad in the hall pacing back and forth looking worried and angry. Please don't kill me dad, just please. I beg in my mind freezing as dad's gaze lands on me.


	6. Fudging Bobby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 6th chapter is here yay! Sorry for taking so long to update, I borrowed my computer to my sister.
> 
> Notifications: I do not own anything but I'd like to.
> 
> Warnings: None
> 
> Yeah there is that. I hope you enjoy!   
> ps. reviews and such are joy of life, just so you'll know.

We walk through the doors of ER me first Michael right behind me. Dad's expression is unreadable there is mix of rage, disappointment, worry and fear? There is a growing lump in my throat. Oh my freaking god, why do I always mess up like this. I wish Sam would be here. The geeky college boy would know what to do. Dad hauls towards me pulling me into a hug. "Dad, woah, what", I stumble with my words. Dad pulls away but still keeps hold on my hand. "Dean don't you EVER do this again to me or Sammy", Dad says voice small but full of rage. "You hear me BOY?". I nod and silently say,"Yes sir.". Dad eye's at me and after a minute he says softly," Let's get you checked out, okay kiddo?". I nod and I get led into a small examination room.

It appears that I am suffering for severe dehydration even though I drank three bottles water in a row but apparently it does not fix the amount water I've would've needed in three days that I slept (they don't know that yet). And I have lost weight with my puking spree and that's pretty much all. I think they are more concerned of my mental state now that it seems that I am physically okay, well not okay but not on verge of dying or something. Like I'd stay dead anyway.

I still got no idea how to explain my little adventure while dad and Sam as gone. So I've just stayed quiet when I've been asked where I was for at least three days. "Dean could you please tell me where you went for three days?", Michael asks me almost frustrated. 'More like a week', I think. "You were gone a week?", Michael says eye's widening. WHAT did I say that out loud, shit. "Umm, I guess", I whisper. "Okay wanna know why I was gone for a week?", I say little bit louder than before. Michael I just nod's so I can continue. "I wanted to you know do some wandering around, with out someone breathing on my neck all the time.", I say trying to figure out what say next," And I don't really know but umm", Shit what do I say. What do I say?!

"Okay, why didn't you take your medication with you? Or any change of clothes? Why did you just went out without anything with you Dean.", Michael asks with expression which is easily translated as 'trust me', "That is what worries us Dean. You just got out with nothing with you and came back after a week almost dead on your feet.". Woah man, that doc can make me feel guilty about going. Well actually I am feeling guilty about going and making Sam and dad worry because of a fucking unicorn book. Well, he makes me feel more quilty. "I went to my uncle Bobby's", I say deciding to tell the 'truth' where I was but not in hundred years I am going to tell why I was there. "And where exactly this uncle Bobby lives?", Michael asks. "Umm in Shout Dakota", Michael's eyes widen, "Can he confirm that you were there?", he asks and I nod for an answer. "And I didn't have my medication with me because I simply forgot to take it with me okay?", I say pleading in my mind him to believe me.

Michael goes outside the room leaving me alone to go to talk my dad. I decide to eavesdrop. "Dean says he was at this guy house umm, Uncle Bobby's?", I hear Michael say, "You know him?", "Yeah, yeah I know him alright", I hear dad answer him. "So I think I should call him to ask why in the hell he didn't tell Dean was there in the first place." I hear dad dialing a number and hearing how he puts it on speaker.

"Singer's salvage yard.", I hear Bobby's voice saying grumpily on the phone. "Hey Bobby is John I need to know was Dean staying at your house for the past week?", John says aqitated. "Yeah, well I'm not sure all week because he was gone before I came back from hunt", God damn it Bobby why wouldn't you just say that I was there all week with you. "But yeah did he find what he needed from that time traveling book I gave him?", Bobby says clearly forgotten our agreement not to tell my dad. Was there even an agreement?, gosh I don't remember, fuck. "Tell that kiddo I need it back and John why are you asking, he hasn't gotten in any trouble has he?", Bobby says worry clear in his voice. Shit, shit, SHIT. Now they won't believe me. I think I'm gonna die. I'm so gonna die.

"Time traveling book?", John asks sadly. "Yup", Bobby say's, "But hey John I gotta go now, take care of those boys will ya?". The phone call ended. I can feel how my heart rate picks up. Panic consuming me. What do I do? What the fuck do I do. I look around the room and to my bad luck I see that it is impossible to escape from here. If it were just Michael behind the door it'll be easy as riding a bike but with dad behind the door I'm trapped.

I try to eavesdrop again. "I can't sent him back in there Michael I can't", I hear John whisper, "I saw what it did to him and and I can't do that to him again I can't." Thanks to the lord and all mighty forces that dad doesn't want to sent me back to the nutvillage. "I understand your view John but he is danger to himself and best place to him would be in a institution", I hear Michael state sadly. No, no, NO Michael you don't turn my father against me. You won't!

"Institutionalised? No! I'll take him home and watch after him 24/7 myself is I have to.", John says firmly. I smirk because I know that dad's head won't be changed easily when his mind is set on something. "John", Michael starts but dad interrupts him."No that's final, you give me all med's and advisory that I need and I take my son home!". "Alright, alright John at least I can't say I didn't try", I hear Michael mumble. YES! No more mental hospitals. I want to kiss dad. Gosh, I was so afraid that dad'll ship me off like some nutcase.

The doorknob went down causing my stomach to drop. I know I won't be sent away but still I don't want to see the disappontment I can already imagine dad's wearing. I sit down on the hospital bed or actually I think it is a table. "Dean I called Bobby and he told me the reason why you were there", Dad says softly but clearly saying it like he would if I were a five-year-old. What do I say to that. I don't really have anything to say anything. "You are staying here for the night but tomorrow we'll head home okay bud?", he continues still talking to me like I'm five. "Yeah", I say with a small voice.

"Obliviously the last anti-psychotics didn't work for Dean so we'll have to try other ones", Michael says to dad like I'm not in the room. Dad nods. "We get them started right away and I have to keep having the weekly therapy sessions included with group therapy", Michael continues. Group therapy, hell no. It was worthless when I was with the psychos and it'll be worthless now. But I know I have to go. I know that I cannot not go because dad'll make me. Shit, fuck. My luck is just so freaking fantastic.

So the night went on me being dosed up with med's and sedatives after we had a long talk with Michael. With I mean dad and me. So know they think I'm more crazy than before. Yay. And more crazy I mean I tried to convince dad that I was from future and all but he was having none of it. I really didn't care what I let out of my mouth because hey they though I was already on my way to the one flew over the cuckoo's nest so why in the hell sugarcoat it. He was just looking at me really sadly which broke my hear a little. He really thinks that I am just whack job and talking nonsense. I wonder if I wouldn't have woken up in hospital wrists slit would've dad believed me? Or would've he just sent me on psych evalution or something. I'd like to think he would have believed me but well I don't know. It was just my luck to wake up in a fucking suicide watch.

You'd think that sedatives would knock you out for good but they just made me really uncomfortable. And I saw a dream of Sam, finally. This time Sam didn't have a message for me like the last times 'Go to Bobby's' thingy. I just saw him doing research on the same fucking unicorn book that I read at Bobby's. I wanted to laugh and mock him. I wanted to tell him that there is no use to translate it because all you know in the end of it, is how to capture a unicorn. But hey I got an idea maybe when I get back to the future me and Sammy can become unicorn hunters and create a black market where we sell them to big bad guys. What an idea. Maybe I should suggest that to him. Can this drug have an effect on the way you think in dreams cause I'm dreaming and at the same time I'm high. Hunting unicorns, selling em, the family business. I laugh. Can you laugh in a dream? No? Well I just did.

It's a noon when dad comes to get me. He has a back full of my med's and a nice thick stack of papers all about ensuring my safety and how to deal with me. "Let's go home kiddo", Dad says softly. Please don't treat me like a kid dad.

The car ride when quickly but in a sad tense silence. When we got to the apartment I realize that Sammy isn't there. "Where's Sammy?", I ask from dad. He looks at me a second and answers, "At school, he'll be back around two", "Oh yeah right, it's Monday", I say with a chuckle.

"Dad", I start getting his attention ,"Umm, can we talk?", We sit down around the kitchen table, "What's up kid?", Dad asks probably waiting and expecting the insane talk. "I know you don't believe me dad and I understand why", I chuckle, "If I were you I wouldn't believe me either but", I ran my hand across my face, "But dad we're not normal people, we hunt monsters for living so why is it so hard to believe that some time traveling is possible?". Dad's face get's sadder. Please stop pitying me. Stop it."Dad please, I have to get back there cause Sam is out there all alone in a wrecked world", my voice cracks, "There is no one there with him, no one there for him, dad everyones gone and I can't do that to him dad , I can't.", "You know the day when mommy died you told me to get Sammy out of the house, that day I knew he was my responsibility, that day I promised him that I'll keep him safe, that I won't ever leave him and now I am breaking that promise because his all alone and fragile." I inhale, "I've screwed up so, so fucking many times dad that you'd probably hate me if you'd hear all of it. But now I need you to believe me, now I need you to help me get to Sammy. I need to go and save the world I broke with my selfish actions.", I am sobbing now like a baby but I don't find myself caring.

Dad comes and takes me into a hug. I'm crying my eyes out. I'm exhausted and wanting so much him to trust me, have some faith. He rubs my back and eventually I calm down. God I'm such a baby in a age of forty. Sam would never let this go. "Dean, I'm sorry but I can't, I just can't believe you on this", Dad says making the man who sometimes seems to be hard as a rock to be more like chubby man with a toy pony collection. I chuckle at the tought dad as a chubby toy pony collector. Dad ignores my chuckle and continues. "You can't believe how much I want to believe you on this kiddo.", "Then believe me dad", I say that quiet I was surprised that dad even heard me.

Sammy came home a little bit after two launching himself towards me giving me a hug. I saw dad giving him a warning look but I hugged him even tighter when Sammy hesitaded. Does dad really think that hugs are gonna kill me.

We ate spaghetti o's for dinner and let me say I never ever get bored of Sammy's rambling. "Want to know funny fact shortie?", I say to Sammy smirking. "I'm not short but yeah shoot", Sammy says clearly not annoyed of the fact that I called him shortie. "Well as I hate to admid this but you are actually going to be a lot taller than me when we're older", I say seeing Sammy's eyes widen."Really? How'd you know?", Sam asks earning a warning look from dad. Me being me and pressuring on it I say, "Well Sammy boy, did ya forgot I am from future?", I say flatly, "You're gonna be a giant", I smile.

During the day I notice that the knives from kitchens has made themself invisible, the front door has gotten an extra lock. And I can only imagine what other safety things dad's going to install because of me. "Dad when I'm gonna go back to school?", I ask as I realize that Sammy's doing homework. All I get from dad is a shrug and 'don't worry about it'. Yeah dad I wouldn't worry about it but in hell I'm staying cooped up in this apartment every day or I'll lose my sanity.

In the end of the day I take a shower in the lovely lockless bathroom. I wash my face realizing that I should shave a bit and after not finding any razors I shout dad to give me one. And ladies and gentlemen what did mighty John Winchester give me. Well he gave me a safety razor. "Dad what is this?", I ask looking at the razor like it's from space or something. "It's a safety razor", he says like it's just a regular thing to say. "A safety razor?", I ask dumbly. I want to ask him why in the hell do I need a fucking safety razor but I keep my mouth shut.

That night I decide to pray. "Castiel I know you don't know me just yet but in future we will be like best friends," I smile, "I just want to warn you that I'm gonna get your ass summonded soon if I don't get my dad on my side. I don't know though how I am going to summond you because you haven't taken the Novak guy to be your vessel yet but I think'll you'll figure it out", I chuckle, "Night Cas, hope you have fun in heaven, following the rules like a good little soldier you are."

I get weird glances from dad and Sam but I ignore them. Falling into a pleasant dream.


	7. Novak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 7th chapter there ya go!
> 
> Notifications: I still don't own anything.  
> Warnings: Still none?
> 
>  
> 
> Remember to review, like and follow but now enjoy the chapter 7. Till the next time.

John's POV

Mary would think I am a failure. I've been so focused on hunting the evil and trying to find the yellow-eyed son of a bitch that I haven't noticed that my eldest son is sick. No sick is wrong word but he has you know lost a grip of the reality. I sit in the kitchen hearing how Sam and Dean sleeps somewhat peacefully.

I look at the stack of papers Michael gave me and to be honest I want to burn them but I can't. If this is the way I get my son better then I follow it. I look at the medication pack wanting to flush them down the toilet but I can't. Mary you can't imagine the pain I feel when I said to Dean that I can't believe him. I want to, I do but Mary he tried to kill himself. The same day he tried it he started to go crazy about time traveling and that's how I knew that it is just in his head.

It is 3 am and I am still going trough the papers, reading. And I think I can't do this. There is so much info that are simply just bull. Don't leave patient (Dean) alone with other people without adult supervision because patient might get violent. Dean hasn't been violent and probably won't be and sure I can leave him with Sammy right. Dean would never ever hurt Sammy. I sight, I'm so exhausted. I hope Dean won't put up a fight in the morning when is it time take his med's because those pills are freaking huge. Looking back I think there is little bit of schizophrenia in my family line so it isn't a miracle that Dean might have it too.

I decide to go to sleep when it is 5 am knowing that I'll get only couple hours of sleep because Sam has to be awoken early for school. Before I know it the alarm clock goes off and I start the day waking Sammy up and telling him to let his brother sleep a little longer. I make pancakes and when they are ready I sent Sam to go wake Dean. I could see that Dean was really tired because he ate his breakfast eyes closed. When Sammy went out of the door I knew that I have to give Dean his medication. I inhale deeply, here goes nothing.

"Hey Dean here is your med's", I say as I dump the pills on Deans open palm. Dean looks at the pills for a second and bursts out,"Hell no I'm taking these", "Dean!", I say warningly, knowing that he eventually would take them on his own. "Dad, I don't need to take these there is nothing wrong with me.", Dean says trying to be assuring. "Dean you know that you need to take those so don't be a brat and take them", I say frustrated. "They don't help me dad none of it will", Dean says clearly pissed off, "Okay I'll take these but let me tell you these won't help", He swallows the pills in defeat. Oh god Dean I want to believe you, I want to.

Michael said that the pills should take on their effect in couple of days so here we are trying to get Dean use to them. "Dad 'm feeling sick", Dean comes to me looking really pale. I help him to sit down and give him glass of water. "It's the drugs dad, they only make me sick instead of helping me, don't you see", he says in a accusing tone. "Dean Michael said it'll take few days to get you body use to the drug.", I say trying to be assuring. Michael also told me that at least the next week Dean will try and convince that his delusion are real. Dean falls asleep for the third time today. One of the side effects indeed was sleepiness. I called Michael to make sure that it is normal.

Dean's POV

I wake up from my third nap. I am so tired and I feel so sick. Fucking drugs. Fucking time travelling. Fuck everything. I get up and look around and see that dad has fallen asleep in the kitchen chair. He must be exhausted from all this worrying. I would like to be just mad at him for not believing in me but I'm not. I understand his point of view but why does he have to be so stubborn. I walk around and heat up some left overs for me to eat. I eat in peace until dad jerks up violently from his sleep. Looking around, eyes searching for something, probably for me. Dad's eyes stop at me and I can see relief washing over him. "Dad you should sleep more", I say as I stuff rest of the lasagna in my mouth. I put the dirty dishes in the sink and start washing them.

Dad goes to fridge, "How're you feeling?", he asks. "Better I guess", I say as I place the cleaned dishes back where they belong, "Good", dad mutters and closes the fridges door taking nothing with him. "We need to do some shopping", dad says and I shrug for an answer. "We'll leave in five okay?", dad says taking his car keys (my car keys) in his hand. I nod and go get my coat. "We'll be back before Sam's back", dad says as we head out of the door.

We weren't long in the store but I'm glad we went because spending a day between four walls is suffocating. Me and dad we didn't talk much but I could see that dad needed a llittle breath outside. "Thanks dad", I say as we drive home. He looks at me dumbly clearly having no idea what I'm thanking for. "Thanks for being there for me you know", I say seeing emotions flashing in his features. "And even though you are giving me wrong kind of support but yeah thanks", I continue with a chuckle. He just ruffles my hair.

The days go slowly because all I'm doing is staying in the freaking apartment, then couple times a week a session with Michael, then the useless group therapy and the staying in the apartment day after day. I can't go to school, I can't do anything. And dad still doesn't believe me. Or I think his gotten softer around the edges but still not believing me.

Yesterday I saw Sam again for the first time in months which made me want to do something useful. Of course I have tried to find useful information on the time traveling but I have gotten none. I'm wasting my time. But yeah Sam seems to be okay. In the vision? Sam was talking on the phone clearly with someone who's working in a hospital because he asked them is there any John Doe's with my description there. So he doesn't know where I am, awesome. I am so thankful that the vision didn't occur when dad was in the room. It didn't help that Sammy was but better that than dad. And I made him promise not to tell dad. I'm not so sure if his going to tell it to him, probably because he is still really bad at lying.

I haven't acted like the med's have had made me better. Actually I have told almost every single day that I still believe I'm from future. So I hope once I keep it going long enough dad'll see that no medication can make me stop saying that and that he'll realize that I am from future. But I'm not sure is that going to happen but I have my hopes up.

I have been here back in the past little over 8 months. 8 months wow. I came here 16th octouber 1996 and now it is 19th may 1997. I have made a decision that if dad won't believe me in the end of the month I'm going to get the angels into the play. I'm not sure do I want to but I don't see any choice's here. And you know what I forgot to mention Sam is 14 now. We really didn't have a party but we ate pie. And man let me tell you the pie was amazing. I would like some pie.

"Dad can we go to the diner where we ate couple weeks back, food there was amazing", I shout to dad from the room I share with Sammy. "Yeah sure", I hear dad mumble back to me. YASH! The cheese bacon burger was so good that I already can taste it in my mouth. We would go there when Sammy comes from school. I hear key in the lock speak of the devil. I hurry to the door taking Sam's backpack, "Lemme take that for ya", I say throwing it on the sofa. "Dean what?", he looks at me with shocked expression. "Out of the door Sammy were going to a diner", I say pushing past him. "Daaad", Sam whines. "Sam were going", dad says as he goes trough the door too.

Oh this burger is sooo good. Better than sex. Gosh. I eat the burger with a pleasure getting emberassed looks from Sam and annoyed looks from dad but I'm expert of ignoring them. I eat happily until I see familiar looking guy. I stop. Everything stops. There is Cas sitting couple tables away eating. No, no not Cas, it's Jimmy. The Novak guy. I gulp. "Dean are you okay?", I hear dad saying. Fuck I spaced out. "Yeah?", I say continuing my eating. "You spaced out, you okay?", dad says worry hovering in his tone. "Yeah, yeah I'm fine." I stare at Novak. Cas is a human now in the future. Novak is long gone but there he is happily eating his burger. "Dean", dad is now full on father mode, "Dean what is it, what do you see?", I notice that Sammy is not sitting there. "Where is Sam?", I ask ignoring dad's worried questioning. "Bathroom but Dean really tell me what is wrong?", dad says. "Nothing", I answer as I get up and go sit in the car. Dad and Sam follows me and we drive away.

At home dad pressured on me telling me what it was in the diner and I to be honest did not want to tell him but I did. "It was Castiel", I whisper, "Castiel the angle?", dad asks. Yes but he wasn't Cas. I wanted him to be Cas but he was just Jimmy Novak a guy who will be a vessel of an angel in a future. Ignoring dad's worry I went to sleep.

I didn't pray but I said it out loud, "Castiel be ready to be summonded tomorrow", I was in a verge of falling a sleep, "Good night Sam, good night Cas", I hope they take care of each other.


	8. Castiel the angel of the lord

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun duuun, eight chapter is here people. Read it, review, make my life a bit brighter thx. 
> 
> Notifications: Still shokingly I don't own anything. Beaware of mistakes on grammar and spelling. 
> 
> Warnings: None

I woke up with a headache but I had it fixed up quickly with pain killers. It is regular Friday in our house hold. Sammy is eager to get to go to school and dad and I are staying home. Or that is how it seems but in reality I'm preparing a speech called :'How to win angel Castiel on my side'. So today is the day when I'm going to see Castiel again and no I try not to call him Cas because Cas is 2014's angel and Castiel is 1997's angel. There is a difference, like there is with Sam and Sammy.

I don't really have a plan when or how I'm going to get the summoning done but I'll figure it out. I'm sitting in the kitchen table eating breakfast like every single morning. Life is getting pretty boring without all the hunting but finally, today I get some action. I have all the ingredients that are needed in the summoning ritual which I have been gathering pretty much from the day I came here. Well not the first day because I was locked up in the nuthouse but from the early days.

Dad is talking on a phone, most likely with Bobby while he gives me my pills. I now take the pills every other day and only half of the pill. Dad doesn't know about that and neither does Michael and I'd like to keep it that way. I started to having smaller amounts of the medication when dad stopped giving me the hawk eye every time I took the pills. Hell no, I'm not stopping them all at once. The memory of the puking spree when I visited Bobby is still haunting me. I 'take' the medication and finish eating. I slowly making my way towards bathroom so I can cut the pills in half. The other half makes they way down to the toilet and other half is happily spreading their way in my system. Awesome.

"Dad what are we doing today?", I ask from dad when I get out of the bathroom. Dad looks up from the newspaper he is reading something flashing in his eyes. "Well the usual, hang out in here and maybe we'll go to the Roberts before Sam's back", Dad answers. "What are we doing at Roberts?", I ask suspiciously. Roberts is an auto shop where dad goes sometimes to earn some cash and like usually I'm forced to tag along. I like repairing cars but I'm not allowed to do that because of my 'illness'. How does my 'illness' affect on my ability to fix cars? I asked dad about it once and got an angry glance. "Well there is this car which needs fixing and we are a family in need of money, I guess you can put two and two together Dean", dad says in annoyed tone. Well dad is apparently not in a good mood today. So were going to Roberts today yay.

I went for a jog to get myself to do something useful. I hate jogging but I haven't had enough 'training' while I've been here. Usually I didn't have to do training because all the hunting but guess who isn't allowed to hunt anymore. I laugh bitterly. On my way back I see a glimpse of man which makes me immediately think that it's Cas but I know better. I continue my way towards home wondering what Sam's doing and how Cas is getting use to the human life.I kinda hope that when I get back to the year 2014 Cas would be an angel again because his mojo and all.

I come home just when dad is ready to leave to the Roberts. He hurries past me and hollers, "Get your ass in the car in five, were leaving!", "Umm, dad could I pass this one?", I ask hoping that he says yes. "What?Why? No your coming with me", dad comes back to the door wearing a weird expression. "Well, yeah but", I try to make up a lie," I have to do this presentation thing to the group therapy and you know I forgot I have to do it and I promised them it would be ready for Monday." I blush because me babbling about presentation is totally not me, gosh I sound like Sam.

"A presentation? Why do I hear about it just now?", dad's expression tells me that he is not taking it. "Well I forgot", I say scratching my head. Dad just stares at me probably wondering how to respond. He brushes his hand over his face and exhales, "What is it about", hmm dad that's a good question because I don't know. Come on, come on AHA," It's about family", I say silently. Dad's eyes soften and he nods, "Well I suppose you can stay in one condition, you answer every time I call and if you don't only god'll help ya ", he says sternly. I just nod and say," Yeah dad, I will."

YES! I'm finally alone. I check my wrist watch, I have about three hours time to wrap this thing up. I take the herbs and all the stuff I need out of a secret locker I made inside our bedroom. I was so sure that dad is going to notice the hole in the wall but I guess the odds were in my favor this time around. I draw the long ago memorized angel summoning sigil with a marker on the living rooms floor. The marker get's off with some soap and water so I don't need to worry about how to explain why do we have an nice looking sigil in the living room. I look at the list where I've gathered all the ingredients. Checking that I have everything I dump them into a bowl and lit it on fire. Thinking about Castiel.

I wait for an half hour and nothing is happening. Did I do something wrong. I check the list one more time cursing because I did everything right. Son of a bitch my only chance went straight down to the drain. I sit down on the floor and put my head into my hands. I feel like I'm gonna cry. No be a Winchester. Winchesters don't cry. Just then I feel a burst of air. I look up and whisper, "Cas.", "Why did you summon me?", Castiel asks clearly confused why he is here. Wow. He didn't have Jimmy Novak as his vessel, it was just some blond guy with a ugly beard but I knew he was Castiel. "Well Castiel I need your help", I say putting weight on the words "your help". "Why do you reguire my help and why should I even help you?", Castiel asks curiosity lingering in his eyes. "Well look I need your help because as far as I know you are only angel I can trust and were friends", I say talking way too fast but I can't help it and for some unknown reason I'm nervous. "We are not friends and I don't see why I am more trustable than my brothers.", Castiel says looking at his hands like they are from outer space. Well they probably are from outer space to him anyway. Ignoring the 'we are not friends' phrase I continue, "And I need your help to get back to the year 2014."

Castiel eyes at me curiously, "You can not go back to the year 2014 because it has not happened yet." Oh damn why he has to be so hard to talk to. The 2014's Castiel was starting to understand little bit more that everything is not literal but this Cas is just the old Castiel. Or actually younger Castiel. "Well not back in the year 2014 you dump ass, I mean you need to send me to the year 2014", I say little bit frustrated. "Why would you want to get to the year 2014?", he asks looking around the living room. "Well I'm kind of from there, I got sent back in time about half an year ago.", Please Cas help me. "My brothers are telling me to return in heaven", Castiel says looking like his about to leave.

"WAIT!", I shout loudly which makes Castiel stop on his tracks. "Please help me Cas, you're my only hope", I plead. He stands slumply, clearly uncomfortable in the form he is. "I do not know can I help you Dean Winchester, I need to ask permission from our father.", Castiel says steadily. "Bullshit, you don't need permisson, God is not in heaven and you know that", I say angrily, "Please look at my memories, then you'll know the truth, then you'll believe me", I plead again. "I don't need to look at your memories Dean, your souls screams the truth to me.", Castiel says. Something close to sadness flashes in his eyes," You are a good man Dean. I have never seen so pure soul in a so broken man. But now I have to get back. I will help you Dean Winchester." Castiel vanishes leaving me dumpfounded.

I start scrubbing the marker out of the floor thinking about what Castiel said. He is going to help me and that's wonderful but how? Is he going to come back or should I summon him again. I don't know what to do. At least I'm closer to getting back than ever. I have more hope now. I smile. I talked to Cas. Cas who wasn't really a Cas without Jimmy's body but Castiel nonethless. I have to make a game plan just in case if Castiel doesn't come back. But to later to that, now I have to get this freaking marker out of the floor. Fucking liars it doesn't come easily off with just soap and water. Shit I have to get it off.

After an hour of scrubbing and cleaning I got everything look like nothing had happened. I glanze at the clock and calculate that I got half an hour before Sam comes home and half an hour more before dad comes home. Dad has called only once after he left and let me say I'm pretty impressed because I thought he would be calling every 15 minutes, apperiantly not.

Not long and Sam came home. "Hey Dean, can my friend come over?", Sam asks varily. I don't see why not so I agree. "So when he's coming?", I ask kinda eager to meet Sam's friend. "Well he's waiting outside", Sam says akwardly looking at his shoes. I snort. "You left your friend outside?", I snicker. Sammy's face blushes and he goes to the door and shouts, "Yeah Jack, you can come!". Moving aside I let a lanky looking kid come trough the door. He is little bit taller than Sammy and he has these huge nerd glasses. Sammy and his nerd friends, I chuckle. Sammy shows to the boy where he can leave his jacket and then he introduces me to him. "Well Jack this is my brother Dean,", Sam motions me with his hands, "And Dean this is my friend Jack.". We do the nice to meet you talk and after that off they go to do their homework.

I sent dad a message saying that Sam has a friend over so he won't be surprised. Knowning dad he tends not to like surprises. Dad comes home with chinese take out and Jack stays for the dinner. We talk, we eat and gotta say I like Sam's friend, he is not as geeky as he looks.

Before I know it it's time for some shut eye. This day has been over all exhausting but to my misfortune I have to wake up early tomorrow morning. Freaking awesome. Michael just had to move our usual Monday morning therapy session to Saturday morning. Does he really think I want to share my feelings to him knowing that most of the population is sleeping at the time. Well he said this is just a one time thing, that next week it'll be in Monday morning like usually but still god! Fucking Michael.

I fall asleep into a nightmare


	9. Castiel, Jimmy, Cas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again and Merry Christmas! Chapter 9 has come to the town.
> 
> Notifications: I do not own supernatural or anything related to that and again be aware of mistakes in spelling, grammar or the story line.
> 
> Warnings: Still nada?

I sleep in my bed and I wake up because of a loud noise. It hear a loud pump and that's when I know that it isn't just mom pumping into stuff like usually when she's really tired and Sammy needs his diaper changed. Somethings wrong, really, really wrong. I go to my room's door twisting the doorknob with my both hands, opening it. I can hear my own heart beats as I walk towards Sammy's room. "Mommy?", I whisper, no answer, "Daddy?". Sam's room's door is ajar and I can see a silhouette of someone on the wall which is bright with yellow light, it's like fire. I push the door a little bit and the door goes fully open. I see a figure in the ceiling, it's mom. I gasp and stumble backwards panicking, mom is on fire. That's when dad comes out of the room Sammy in his arms. Placing him in my arms shouting: "Take your brother outside as fast as you can! Go Dean, Go!". I go carefully down the stairs because Sammy's heavy and I'm afraid I will fall over. My ears are ringing, I put Sammy on the floor so I can open the front door, "I will always protect you Sammy.", hoping that daddy and mommy will come down too.

I wake up gasping for air. I haven't seen that dream in years. I'm shivering, I have seen that dream many many times and it's pretty much all I remember from the fire. In the dream I never get out of the house, I never get Sammy to safety. When I was small I used to be so afraid that we didn't get out of the house, that we died like mommy did. Gosh I need a shower.

I start getting up when Sam decides to scare the crap out of me, "Why are you awake it's fucking four in the morning!", "Language!", I say out of instinct. I glance at the clock and to my surprise it really is four in the morning. "I thought it was more", I say ruffling my hair.

I have two choices to go to take a shower and not have a change of falling back to sleep again or not to shower, maybe falling a sleep but then I probably don't have time to shower in the morning. I decide to try and sleep again because I'd disrupt Sammy if I'd go to shower.

Before I know it my alarm goes off and I wake up again. I get up and put on my old jeans and a hoodie, I can feel it's gonna be a cold day and a fricking bad day. I don't need a crystal ball to see that this indeed is going to be shitty day because one today, saturday I have an appointment with Michael and two I saw a dream about the night when mom died and three we apparently have ran out of coffee. "What do you mean we dont have coffee? Dad as my father you should know that I live off of a coffee!", I can feel a headache emerging, fucking amazing. "Don't be childish Dean, we just simply ran out of it, I'll buy you coffee before your appointment", Dad says tiredly.

At 8.15 we are waiting in the waiting area for my turn to get to have some talkie talkie time with Michael. I'm drinking my third cup of shitty coffee machine coffee but it's better than nothing, beer would be nice tough. "Dean Winchester", a lady behind a desk hollers. Yaash ma turn to go.

I walk towards Michael's office but strangely he is waiting me in the hall. "Dean, unfortunately we can't have our session in my office because I borrow it to my co-worker on weekends, so we have to go to a different office, is that okay with you?", Michael says with a warm smile. I just nod, I need more coffee. Michael leads me pretty much to other side of the building to office which obliviously belongs to a woman. We sit down, "How are you Dean?", Michael asks ready to write notes with a pen in his hand. "Tired", I mumble. "Why are you tired", he asks. I shrug, "Well doc, who wouldn't be tired at half nine in the morning on saturday?". Michael just smirks and says,"I see."

We talk about how things have been at home and about basic shit. I even asked about could I quit the group therapy and Michael promised to put it under consideration, yay. "Dean, your dad talked to me that a couple days ago you froze at the diner you were at and started mumbling something about Castiel and according to him when he asked what did you see, you said that you saw an angel.", Michael says with a professional tone. It feels like a punch in the stomach. Dad told about that? Fuck. "Your point?", I try to say casually.

Michael sights, "Are you seeing things again?", seeing things? This is getting old Michael, I've never seen anything that's not really there. "No, I'm not seeing anything Michael", I say frustrated. "You sure?", Michael says his eyes searching for the truth from my eyes. "Yes!, at the diner I was just tired and talked nonsense.", I'm so tired of this you are ill Dean blah, blah, blah. The rest of our session went with Michael babbling of how I should remember always to tell if the meds are not working or if I ever feel out of place or anything.

My session ended and we started walking back to the other side of the building where my dad is waiting for me. "So our next session is normally next monday and I have to think about the group session", Michael says as I get knocked over by someone. I quickly get up and see apologetic blue eyes staring at me. "I'm so sorry, I did not see you there", the man is rambling, I know that voice, I know those eyes. Fuck why I keep seeing him everywhere I go. I realize that I didn't answer to him, "Yeah it's okay."

Now I for the first time notice how young Jimmy is. He looks exactly like he did before but he is just younger looking. Michael looks at me puzzlingly and I realize that I stared him too long. "You okay?", Jimmy asks worriedly. I smirk, "Yeah I'm fine", and just then my vision decides to start blurring. Nice I'm getting a bloody vision in front of my shrink and fucking Jimmy Novak.

I don't see Sam but surprisingly I see Castiel. Castiel is sitting in a flower field, talking on the phone. I hear Cas saying:" Sam my stomach makes these weird crumbling noises, what does it mean?", I want to chuckle, poor Cas trying to understand the human needs, "But Sam I'm not hungry.", I could hear that Sam half shouted,"Yes, you are Cas, now come back so we can eat". The vision ended and I found myself lying at the hospital floor, worried eyes staring back at me. Thank God apparently my vision looked like I just fainted. After half an hour of reassuring dad and the doctors that I am fine they let us go home.

I can't keep a smile off my face because of the vision. It was good to see Cas, and hear Sam and get to know that they are okay. Seeing the Novak guy is pretty disturbing because at the same time I want to hug him tight becase he looks so much like Cas (duh he's his vessel) and I want to tell him to never say yes to Castiel when the time comes but in my time line Jimmy is already gone so why bother.

To be honest I pretty much had a shitty day like I predicted but not all of it was shitty, for example I saw Cas. I wonder what Castiel is doing because I'm still waiting for the freaking up date on how to get me back where I came from but nothing has come up so far. And yeah I talked to him just yesterday, maybe I just need to be patient.

I'm eating dinner with dad and Sammy and it's nice. When I get back home we are going to have a dinner with Sam where we don't have hunting related conversations because I miss those conversations where we just talk about movies and shit. I look at Sammy and oh gosh he was a weird teenager, in a good way ofcourse. I wonder what kind of idiot I was when I was 17. Shit. A though occurred to me. If I am here in a year 1997 in my seventeen-year-old body then where in the hell is the seventeen-year-old me. Fuck this is twisted, is he in my 30-something-year-old body then, god I hope not.

"Castiel freaking hurry up! I wanna go home!"


	10. 2014

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Christmas is closer and Santa brought you a gift. Chapter 10!!  
> This chapter is different, it is from 2014 and in Sam's POV.
> 
> Notifications: I still don't own supernatural or anything related to that and be aware of mistakes.
> 
> Warnings: Again I don't think I have anything to warn about.

12.12.2014

I'm exhausted. I can't find Dean and Cas is driving me nuts. I just really want Dean back, I bet he'd handle him better than I do. I try to be patient with him but he makes it really hard. I want Cas to be angel again because at least he would look for Dean with much more effort than he has now. Cas keeps saying that he is right here but when I ask him what does he mean by that, he just starts to talk about some random things, like bees.

I've called almost every hospital in this country but no one has had unidentified John Doe's around. How does a man just freaking disappear in to the face of the earth. One minute he is there and second he is gone, just like that. And the weird thing is, he took his duffle bag with him. So it really just looks like he took off, but I know he didn't especially because we both were on the edge of dying. He wouldn't leave me like that.

We are on our way to Minnesota. There is apparently a vengeful spirit on a killing spree but it really isn't the main reason why we are going there. Couple days ago Cas just showed up with a map in his hands pointing Minnesota and saying that we must go there. I have no idea where to go and where to look for Dean so Minnesota it is. We are now in Omaha, Nebraska so we still have road to kill but we'll leave first thing in the morning so we'll be there in no time, hopefully.

I put my laptop away and make sure everything is in order. I sit on the bed of the dusty motel room looking at Cas who is already asleep in the bed next to mine. It's weird that Cas's here because every morning I expect to see Dean sleeping in the other bed, disappointing when remembering that it's just Cas. It's good to have some company but Cas is like a child at the moment, so it's exhausting to do full day babysitting and trying to find out where Dean is.

I read a book about unicorns couple months back because Cas said it was important. In the end I felt just numb and stupid, and for one second after reading it, it was like I could hear Dean laughing at me. It was just my subconscious laughing at me. I drop into darkness.

I'm laying on a bed and I feel uncomfortable, like someone is watching me. I open my eyes and see Cas standing on the side of the bed staring at me. Gosh. "Cas!", I yelp." Personal space, for Christ's sake.". I see the realization sink in and Cas blushes and mumbles sorry. Quicky we get the hell out of the motel and on the road. God the impala feels so empty without Dean.

The hours pass by and I decide that it is time to stop for some gas and maybe grab something to eat. We end up getting into a diner.

"Welcome to Mystic, My name is Katherine and I am serving you for the evening so, what can I get you guys", I woman with black ponytail says too cheerily. Like always I end up ordering for Cas too. I'm used to Cas's rambling about all kinds of things and today apparently the subject is kittens.

"I saw a kitten yesterday.", Cas informs me matter of factly."Oh you did?", I say tiredly. Cas is looking out of the window, food almost untouched, "I want to have a kitten one day", Cas says smiling. "Cas that's nice but you need to eat okay, we have a long day ahead of us.", I really hope Cas won't put up a fight about eating- he still hasn't accepted the fact that he needs to eat whether he wants to or not.

Cas looks at the food disgusted but thankfully eats it without a complain. And on the road we are again. I've noticed that Cas likes the car rides because when we are on a road he is always cheery and just simply happy. We can only drive couple of hours before we have to stop for the night and tomorrow we'll be in Minnesota.

The vengeful spirit is taken care of and now I can concentrate on looking for Dean. "Hey man, why'd you want to come here", I ask Cas back in the motel room we payed for. "Dean's here", He says like it's the most obvious thing in the world. "Here?", I ask looking him suspiciously. Cas just nods and continues on his drawing, and he is actually pretty damn good.

How can Castiel know that Dean's here because last time I cheked he is human, but then again so was Anna and she could hear the angel radio.

For the hundredth time I pick up a cell phone and call the local hospital. "Minnesota's health centre, how can I help you?", on the other line young mans voice speaks. "Umm, my brother's been missing for awhile so have you had any John Doe's there lately?", I say in a exhausted tone, "Wait a second I'll check", I can hear rustling of paper in the other line, "Oh", the guy says in a surprised tone, "There actually is one John Doe here, a man around his thirties?". I get an adrenaline rush, Dean, "Yeah, my brother is in his thirties, could I you know come and take a look, that is he him?".

"Hey, I called here fifteen minutes ago about my brother", I say as I get to the first front desk I see, Cas following close behind. We talk and they tell me that when he came in he was in a coma but woke up four months later. My heart sinks of the thought that if this man is Dean that he has been in a coma, alone, for four freaking months. The doctor tells me that they didn't find any reason for the coma, that he'd been found unconscious and didn't have any medical reason they could find why he wouldn't wake up. Apparently it was like he was just asleep.

"So this is it.", the woman doctor says when we stop in front of a room number 465, "If he is your brother, be aware that he might not remember who you are because he has some kind of amnesia, he doesn't even know his own name."

The doctor opens the door and we peek in. The world stops, I want to cry, I want to laugh, all kinds of emotions flash over me, after six months of searching, I finally have found my brother. The doctor looks at me and when our eyes meet I can see that she got the wordless confirmation that, yes this is my brother. "Dean?", I say warily to the man who is sitting in a table working on something. His head jerks up and he turns around and I notice that doesn't recognize me and it feel like someone punches me in to the stomach. "Yeah?", Dean asks curiously but warily. "Umm do you remember me?", I ask feeling dump because of course he should remember me, he should.

Deans movements seem somehow off, like he isn't use to his body or something. "Honestly? No, should I?", Dean says eyes searching for the answer. "Yeah Dean you should.", I say inhaling,"I'm your brother Sam." I immediately see that he recognizes my name. "Sammy? But you can't be.", Dean starts, confusion clearly hitting him, hard. But he immediately seems to realize something.

"Oh, yeah of course", Dean says face blank,"Umm what year it is exactly, as you see my memory is kinda spotty." "2015.", I say realizing myself that it is indeed 2015, I've lived the past months stuck in 2014 not even noticing that the year has changed. Dean lets out a breath and looks at me shocked, what year he think it was if not 2014 or 2015 but I don't get a change to ask because Dean starts talking again,"If you are my Sammy then who the fuck is he?", he is pointing at Cas who is at the moment staring at a book on the table. "Well he is our friend Castiel.", I say feeling dump because Dean should know who Cas is. Dean nods slowly looking at Cas. Cas still staring at the book and if I get to guess I'd think he has been staring that from the moment we got in. I nudge him into shoulder, "Cas", I hiss.

Cas looks up and puts his hand into the pocket of his trench coat, pulling out a folded paper. He opens it and straightens it and after long couple of second he give it to Dean. Dean inspects the picture and breaths out,"Baby" and looks up from it, "Thanks, man.", "You are very welcome Dean", Cas says in the weirdly formal tone he has. I glance to the side seeing the doctor following our interaction curiously. She is looking at Cas thoughtful expression covering her features. She is probably wondering why Cas is so weird. For the first time she talks too, "What it is?", the question is obviously for Dean but Cas decides to answer to it. "I drew Deans car '67 Chevy Impala which he refers to as baby",we all just stare at him, and to be honest I think it is pretty sweet of him.

Dean shows us the picture and my jaw drops, the drawing is amazing. "Cas that's amazing!", I say, making Cas's lips curve into a tiny smile. Suddenly Cas just takes off and as concerned parent I've become, I follow him noticing that he just goes to the bathroom. I get back into the Deans hospital room, noticing that the doctor is still there but now shes talking to Dean. Noticing me they stop and the doctor tells me that in fifteen minutes we should have chat about Dean in private. Before the doctor could leave Dean decides to ask a question that I do not know how to answer, especially in front of a doctor, "So what is wrong with the Cas guy?", Fuck what do I say?, "You know he acts weird?", Dean continues.

"Well yeah, Cas has an autism", I blur out, feeling the heat in my cheeks. Dean just lets out an 'oh' and the doctor just nods and leaves the room. Soon Cas is back, "Did you know that water can be salty?", he says out of blue. "Yeah Cas we know", I say feeling nice to say 'we' again instead of an 'I'.

As the evening went on I noticed that Dean seemed younger somehow, more carefree and for the first time in forever I don't see a hollow man when I look him into his eyes, I see a man who has hope. "Gosh Sam how'd you grow this big, I never should've teased you on how short you were, karma is a bitch", Dean says smiling with a little hint of sadness. I just chuckle a bit. I get struck by a memory. Memory of Dean telling me that I'll be taller than him one day. Which oddly made me struck with a new memory, how stupid of me, of course. I don't know should I tell the doctor about this or just figure things out on my on because last thing I want is to get Dean admitted.

We never really talked about Dean schizophrenia after we got it under control. Dean acted like he didn't have it and so did dad. Along the years I tried to talk about it, ask about it but dad always sushed me. Because the day we started hunting again it was like, like Dean was somehow cured. But I always knew he wasn't out of the woods, that maybe then he was stable but I always kinda expected that he is going to crack. And apperiantly it took 17 years for it to happen again. But still somehow it feels surreal that he even has it because what if he didn't, what if it was all true because angels are real after all and, fuck I don't know.

I look at Deans sleeping form trying figure things out but nothing makes sense. Then it strucks me. If I remember right Dean said that he was from future, from 2014 to be excact and he disappeared 2014 so. I gasp and walk over to Deans bed nudging him into his shoulder trying to wake him up. "What?!", Dean says sleepily, clearly pissed off. "Dean, how old are you?", I ask voice stern. Confusion is clear in Deans face,"Umm thirty-", he starts but I cut him off, "No HOW OLD are you?". He tries to read me but after two long minutes he whispers, "Seventeen, I'm seventeen."

Oh god we were wrong all along, Dean did travel in time. I feel nauseous, fuck. It must've been hard for Dean. All is so confusing, how Dean doesn't have memories of this? Just simply what the fuck. It would've been so much easier if Dean would've been just schizophrenic. God.

Well atleast I now know what to do research on. Freaking time traveling, gosh. I shouldn't really be surprised, especially after all what have happened but I am. "Sam", Cas says from the other side of the room, "I know how to get Dean back", I look at him wide eyed, "But I am not an angel anymore and 1997's me has to do it."

We'll that info did not make this any easier.


	11. Road trip with a shrink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year everyone, hope your last year went well and I hope this one will go even better! Here is chapter 11 for you!
> 
> Notifications: I do not own supernatural or anything related to it.
> 
> Warnings: I don't see anything to warn about but yeah.
> 
> Review and show me some love, or not.  
> Enjoy!

I hear that my name is called. We go trough the basics with Michael, how are you doing, whats going on in your life, are the med's still working, anything on your mind- well Michael just the time traveling mess, nothing else, blah,blah, blah.

"I saw your dad wasn't here with you today, where is he?", Michael asks. "Oh yeah, well he had something to be taken care off", I say glazing at the clock, five minutes left. "Okay, so did you walk here?", he asks. I can feel a smile creeping on my face, "Actually, I drove", I say happily, dad finally let me to drive here. Michael's face is surprised but then he smiles,"Well you seem to be happy about it.", "Well yeah, I missed my baby." I smile.

It is only couple of minutes left of the session and we are talking about cars with Michael, smiles on our faces. But my smile falters. Cas is suddenly standing next to me. "Dean, I may have found a way to get you back to the year 2014", Castiel says, looking at me eyes piercing. "How?", I ask voice rough. Castiel stands awkwardly,"Well it is very complicated and I can't do it all because half of it has to be made by human and that's why I am here", he says in his usual monotone tone. Why does it always have to be so hard, Why can't Castiel just zap me back to my time line. "What do I need to do?", I ask looking at Castiel expectantly.

"Dean who are you talking to?", Michael's voice come to my focus, fuck I forgot Michael. I look at him and see that his face is covered with concern, fuck. "He can't see you?", I hiss the obvious to Castiel. "No.", Castiel look puzzled,"Do you want him to see me?", I think about it a second, no I don't want to expose the supernatural to this poor man. "No, I don't", I say firmly.

Michael moves slowly in front of me," Dean who are you talking to?", his voice is comforting like he is talking to a child. "Would you believe me if I said that to nobody?", I say quickly, I gotta get out of here. I can see that he is not believing me. "Castiel can you fly us out of here?", I ask Castiel, demanding. Castiel shakes his head, "I haven't posessed that ability yet." What the fuck. "You haven't what, you gotta be kidding me", I say angrily getting up, totally ignoring what Michael is trying to say. I burst trough the offices door, hearing Castiel saying,"I don't kid Dean.", I just motion him to follow me.

We get to the parking lot and I see Michael is just right behind us shouting my name,"Dean stop, come inside, let's talk a bit okay?", I keep ignoring him getting in my car. I'm starting the engine and Michael pops in to the shotgun. Fuck. "Michael , out!", I say voice firm and demanding. "Dean no, Dean you are not in your right mind right now, okay, just come inside, willingly.", Michael says voice pleading but calm. I see that couple of guards are approaching us.

"Micheal you have two choices to get the fuck out of this car and let me leave or you're coming with us, cause I swear I don't have time for this.", I say voice firm. I see Michael hesitate, just fucking leave already. "Drive.", he says dully, and so I do.

"Where to?", I ask Cas because I don't know where am I supposed to go. Michael stares at me and if I'd get a wild guess he is trying to figure out how to get me out of my crazy. "Sioux Falls, Shout Dakota.", Castiel says from the back seat. "What's there?", I ask looking at the review mirror seeing Castiel looking out of the window. "There is this hunter Robert Singer, he has something we need.", I feel relieve washing trough me, were going to Bobby's. "Okie dokie", I say chuckling, this is gonna be a long day.

After a while of driving in the comfort of the impala I can see that Michael is finally starting to relax a bit. "Michael", I say, startling him. "What?", he says voice raspy. "Please don't charge me with abduction or anything because you kinda came willingly.", I say voice desperate. I don't want to make this time lines Dean's live a living hell. I glance at the back seat and see that Castiel is gone for now at least. "I won't but Dean why are you doing this, where are we going?", Michael asks, his professional tone back on. "I'm not gonna tell you where we're going but the reason I can tell for sure.", I say smirking. I decide to go with truth because he already thinks I'm bat shit crazy, at least for now. "Castiel found out a way to get me back in to the year 2014 but he can't do it just like that so I need to help him.", I say looking at Michael trying to read his expression. "When did the medication stop working Dean?", Michael asks suddenly, his turn to read my expression.

"Honestly, they never worked, I just pretended that they did.", I say shrugging. Michael looks slightly shocked. "You pretended?", he clarifies. I shrug, "Figured if I keep rambling about monsters and angels, I'd spend rest of my life in psych ward." And that makes Michael speechless. "If you would've told me then we would've figured it out.", he says calmly, almost tiredly. "Yeah well it would've all been for nothing.", I say silently. "How so?", he asks staring straight in to my eyes. "Well there is no medication or fucking therapy that can make this shit go away, I wish there'd be but no, world just has to be so fucked up.", I say irritated. It would be just easier that I'd be schizophrenic but no everything is just so damn twisted. I hear Michael's stomach crumple and decide that soon we'll stop to get something to eat. "Michael do you believe in God?", I ask, surprising even myself with the question.

"Well, I like the idea that there is something higher, I guess", Michael says after a brief second of thinking. "Well you ain't wrong, there is a God.", I say chuckling,"Who is fricking a dick.". I feel Michael staring at me but I keep my eyes on the road, not looking there. "Dick?, How God's a dick?", he asks me with true curiosity. "Well let me tell you", I smirk, "and Castiel you'd better listen too",I get a glance from Michael, " God will leave heaven, if he already hasn't, he just goes poof and tells no one where. He leaves the heaven to confused angels who are not used to not to be given orders.", I look at Michael to see that his still listening. "God doesn't give fuck, he doesn't care about his sons, he doesn't care about us, humans and he just leaves earth to be destroyed.", I inhale, "That's why god's a dick."

We stopped a a gas station getting snacks then moving on, giving Michael no change to ask outside help.I saw that he tried to use his eyes to signal help but failing. I kinda feel bad for the man but he decided to come with us so it's not my fault. One hour to kill and then we'll be at Bobby's.

"Dean.", I hear from the back seat, startling me badly. "God Cas, don't scare me like that.", I shout, making Michael frightened. "We are almost there.", he states the obvious, "I know, Castiel I know.", "So how'd your daddy approve this?", I ask curiously. How does the obeying angel rebel like this? Castiel looks really uncomfortable and he has this deer in the headlights look. "I did not ask permission from my father.", I burst laughing. "Really?", I keep laughing and I get confused looks from Michael and kinda mad look from Castiel. "Chill dude, I just thought that you'd at least try to beg your fathers approval for this.", I look at him smiling. "I'm sorry Michael, I must look like a crazy talking in to the thin air.", I say casting an apologized look at him. Michael just shrugs, "It's okay Dean."

"Here we are.", I say driving in front of the house. We walk to the door and there is a post it note saying that Bobby is gone for a couple of days. I'm glad because it would've been hard to explain why I have shrink with me and it just simply would have been all too confusing. "This is my uncle Bobby's house if you were wondering.", I tell to Michael, seeing that he recognizes the name. We get to the kitchen and I tell Michael to sit in the chair and not to move anywhere or not to touch anywhere. I make him a sandwich and a cup of coffee. Finding my way to Bobby's library. "What are we here for?", I ask Castiel who is standing next to me eyeing the room. "We are here for a book called 'time' it is in enochian and it is very relevant book for the spell you need to perform.", Castiel says searching the aisles for the book. Is he talking about the fricking unicorn book I read a while back, well fuck. "The one where you learn how to capture a unicorn?", I ask Castiel. He smiles, actually smiles! " Yes that's the book, have you read it?", Castiel asks curiously. I nod. "But it was all about unicorns, no spells, no time traveling, just a book about unicorns", I say frustrated. "Well yes it is a book about unicorns but it is also a book about time traveling and there is the spell we need.", he explains. "But I read it and there was nothing about time traveling.", God Castiel get to the point. "You just have to read every third word to see the time traveling part of it, but if you read it fully it is a just a book about the unicorns.", Castiel says making everything bright and clear. Well fuck. I had the fucking answer right in front of me but I just didn't see it. "Well it should be here because I mailed it back to Bobby couple months back.", I say continuing the search for the book.

Quickly the book is found and I'm back at translating it. But it really makes more sense now, you know the time traveling part of it. I am doing the research in the kitchen table occupied by Michael who is just looking at me too calmly. "Umm, Dean can I use a bathroom?", Michael says kinda nervously which is weird because I'm used to his professional calmness. Poor mans bladder probably is on a verge of exploding. "Oh yeah, sorry man, it is down the hall.", I say blushing. Michael says voiceless thanks and gets up and goes down to hall. "Come straight back then, alright?", I say realizing that he could try to get away which is not a problem itself but still it's better to have the man close.

Michael comes back to the kitchen and awkwardly sits back down to the chair he was sitting before. "Want anything to eat, drink?", I ask. Michael thinks a second and then nods and says,"Water would be nice." And I give him a glass of water.

Half hour have passed and finally I have a list of the ingredients what I need to get to make the spell to work. Castiel takes the list and flies off, leaving me again with the Mr. willingly kidnapped shrink. "Why didn't you get out of the car?", I ask out of boredom and actually I really want to know why. Michael seems a bit taken a back by the question and he clears his throat. "Well I thought that you'd be safer if someone would be with you", he says with the calm voice again. "So it has nothing to do with the fact that now you have amazing opportunity to analyze me and my actions?", I ask smirking. "No, well actually I haven't thought about that.", Michael says clearly in his thoughts. "So you're not afraid that I'm going to kill you or something?", I look at him into eyes. "Well are you going to kill me?", he asks firmly. "No.", I say, "Then I am not afraid.", he say reassuringly but I think he is just trying to assure himself. "So what are we doing here exactly?", Michael asks after drinking his water. "Well, Castiel went to get the ingredients to this spell which is supposed to send me back to the year 2014 and yeah, then we perform the spell and I hopefully get back to home.", I say tiredly. Michael just nods and the conversation dies.

As the evening goes on I let Michael wander around a bit but I denied his access to the library. I put a TV on on the news channel and not to my surprise I see my picture in it next to Michael's. "Eighteen-year-old Dean Winchester is missing alongside with his psychiatrist Michael Lawson which we believe Dean has forced to come with him. Dean is suffering from a mental illness, schizophrenia and he is to be seen dangerous mostly to himself but also to others." a woman's voice says in the news broadcast, "If you see him please call to emergency services immediately.", "FUCK", I breath out. Fuck. "Why God you want me to suffer so much?", I say to thin air. "My Father does not want you to suffer, Dean", oh Castiel is back. "Oh shut up Cas.", I say frustrated.

"You have everything we need?", I ask from Castiel. "Yes I got all we need expect for one ingredient", Castiel says, "Well what is the missing ingredient then?", I push. "We need your blood", Castiel says something flashing in his eyes. "How much?", I ask shocked because I have a feeling that it is not going to be just a drop or two. "CASTIEL, how much?". He looks at me sadly. "Almost all of it." I glance at Michael seeing that he has really worried expression. "You better make sure I don't die then.", I say my voice breaking. "Castiel promise me that you won't let me die.", I plead. "I promise", Castiel says eyes honest. And I believe him.

"Okay then let's do it."


	12. The spell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, hello everyone, sorry for the wait!  
> Notifications: I still do not own anything, okay?, I own nothing. Remember there'll be mistakes and I'm sorry about em.
> 
> Warnings: Self harm (because of the spell that is done in this chapter) if you want to miss the blood related texture then start reading when Deans POV comes up again.
> 
> Review, give me kudos, or anything! :)  
> But now.  
> Enjoy chapter 12!

How much can you lose blood until you die? Well it is fucking time to find out, cause I'm about to be drained out of my blood. I would be lying if I'd say that I am not scared because I am. I am so fucking scared but I have died before right? I have died and come back. So I'll be alright, Castiel will make sure of it. I breath in and look at the ingredients that are already in a bowl, shit we gotta do this. "Are you ready?", Castiel asks me gently. I clear my throat, "Uh, yeah I am, let's get this show on the road." We walk upstairs into the small quest bathroom. There is this regular sized bathtub which we figured would be the best place to drain my blood.

Michael still doesn't have any idea what are we going to do and really I don't know what I am supposed to tell him. The plan is simple. I slit my wrist open and fill the tub with it and after that Cas will keep me alive till the paramedics gets here. Apparently flying and healing skills are still in the learning progress with Castiel, so healing me from the blood loss is not an option and flying me to a fucking hospital isn't an option either. Then Castiel will end the spell and when I awake I am hopefully back in the lovely year 2014.

"Hey Cas, what are we gonna do with the shrink over there?", I ask motioning towards Michael. "We'll let him be and after awhile he can be the one to call the paramedics.", he says looking at me eyes piercing. Michael is still downstairs and the plan is that he probably won't notice that anything is wrong before I scream for him.

I sit down on the tile floor next to the bathtub, knife in my hands. Here goes nothing. I put the blade on my left hand's wrist and make a deep cut. I winch chancing the knife into my bleeding hand, making a similar cut to my right hands wrist. I watch how the red liquid flows from the cuts to the bathtub. Pretty soon I feel drowsy and I look up to Castiel and ask silently is this enough. Castiel shakes his head, no, the spell requires more blood. "Son of a bitch", I mutter feeling nauseous. "Michael?", I ask, my vision blackened and spotty. I can feel my consciousness slowly drifting away. "Yes, Michael.", Castiel says and it feels like he is thousand miles away.

"Michael!", I shout grasping to stay conscious. "Michael!", I'm not even sure does the voice leave my mouth because it feels like it doesn't. But after a second which feels like an hour Michael bursts in to the terrible scene. "Thank you.", I whisper because hopefully this is the last time I see him because I want to go home. Nauseating darkness consumes me. Castiel please don't let me die.

Michaels POV

I open the upstairs bathroom door and see horrific scene ahead of me. How did I not see this coming. I look at my surroundings, Dean is kneeling over the bathtub which is filled with his blood. Dean bleeds out from the two cuts in his wrists. I look for a towel and kneel down putting pressure on the wounds. I'm not an doctor so I don't know is Deans blood loss fatal but I figure it is at least close to it. To my surprise I'm not panicking, I feeling surprisingly calm. I murmur reassuring word to Dean, everything is going to be fine.

I found a cellphone from Deans pocket which I used to call for help and they better come fast because Dean is not going to hold on for much longer. "Why? Dean why?", I whisper while holding him in my arms trying to make the bleeding stop. Please stop. I know I'm not going to get an answer because the poor boy is out like a light. And my questioning is useless because I know the reason he hurt himself. I know that this wasn't for the sake that he wanted to die, no. He thought that he was getting back to home.

What kind of doctor am I. I didn't notice that the medication did not work. I really though we found right medication for him, I thought our therapy session were helpful. God damn it, this boy deserves more, I know that. He is a good boy beneath all that toughness he uses as his mask. I hear a helicopter landing and I know that the help is here. They get Dean inside the helicopter and I hop in too. They check me for injuries just in case because I did spent almost two days with mentally unstable person.

In the hospital they stroll Dean away in a hurry, in order to try to save his live. I hear words like extreme blood loss and then I hear doctor shout, "He is going to a cardiac arrest." And then all the voices get muffled by the closing door. I don't really know what to do now. I just stare at the door dumbly. Please Dean, survive, don't die. You are stronger than this.

I get lead into a small room, so I can rest but like I can rest. My patient is on verge of dying. They say that I shouldn't get too attached to my patients but to be honest I'm bad at that. My colleague Roger gets in, his the one who is tried to figure out the right medications for Dean with me. "I can't understand this.", I say suddenly. "Yeah, human mind is a mystery especially someone like Deans.", Roger says smoothly. "No, no I don't mean that", I scratch my beard, "Dean told me that the medication never worked.", I look at Rogers reaction and he has his thinking face on. "He obviously has paranoid schizophrenia but how is he so functioning?", I ask but don't let Roger answer, "He has been able to lie to us, look normal, I", I notice now how tired I am, "I, he is not supposed to be able to do that." I breath. Maybe this is something else eternally. No. I don't know. We discuss about the matter for a while but then Roger has to leave and for once again I am alone.

God I have to deal with Deans family soon, I have to give a report of this. Sometimes I hate myself.

Dean's POV

I wake up surrounded by beeps. I don't open my eyes, because to be honest I am afraid. Afraid to face the world I left behind. I know that I am in hospital, opening my eyes. Son of a bitch why do they have to keep the lights so bright in here. I close my eyes again but open them almost immediately. I try to sit up put I notice that for once again I am in restrains. My heart beat quickens. I can't breath. Fuck. God fucking damn it. "CASTIEL!", I roar. Looking down at my hands, getting the confirmation that the spell fucking did not work. "CASTIEL, GET YOUR FEATHERY ASS DOWN HERE NOW!", I shout with more force. I hear someone say, "Winchester is awake", from the outside of the room. "CASTIEL.", I whisper angrily.

This is just my freaking luck. I perform a spell that almost kills me and the spell doesn't fucking work. A doctor by the looks of it comes in. He looks at me sadly, kinda wearily. "Dean, how are you feeling?", he asks pity covering his voice. "Well my hands fucking hurt and I am pissed off, thank you for asking.", I say the last part my voice venomously sarcastic. "I see.", he says, "It was a miracle that you survived with the blood loss you had", he shakes his head not continuing. "Yeah", I blaster a fake grin, "I got an angel on my shoulder.", I look up to the ceiling, "Who has some fucking explaining to do!"

The doctor takes a pen light and flashes it in my eyes. Making my vision shake. I see Sam sitting in a chair next to a hospital bed, grasping his head. "Castiel, why the fuck my memories are chancing?", Sam says clearly in pain. He drops from the chair on to the floor. Gasping for air. Memories chancing? Cas looks panicked and says,"I don't know, the spell was supposed to work, it worked in the last time." Cas continues repeating the phrase, "It worked the last time." That's when the vision ends

What the fuck is going on. Panic rises, what an actual fuck. I look at the doctor, panic most likely clear in my eyes, "Are you okay?", he ask. "Do I fucking look like I am okay?", I spat, fucking idiot. The doctor is taken aback and leaves the room. I gotta get fuck out of here. But I know better. "What do you want from me?", I ask from no one particular. The fuck is going on? My thoughts are blurry, everything is blurry. What went wrong? Can I ever go back. I have to admit I am so damn scared.

About an hour went by before anyone came in which gave me time to calm down and think somewhat rationally. Michael to my surprise comes in with a warm smile plastered on his face. He sits in the chair next to my bed and opens the restrains, I was about ask why but he just says that he knows that I'm not going to do anything to harm myself anytime soon, hopefully. "I'm sorry.", I say looking at Michael. "Why are you sorry?", Michael asks warmly. "Why I wouldn't be, you had to see, see me like that and I kidnapped you", I ramble but Michael stops me, "Dean, you don't need to be sorry, okay? I understand.", he says eagerly. And that's the thing I don't get, why would Michael understand and what does he think he understands. This all is too confusing.

"Where's dad?", I ask after a while of silence."I forced him to go home to get some sleep", Michael says with a sad smile. I snort, "Yeah, he can be stubborn like that.". Michael lets out a dry laugh. "So what now?", I ask nervously. Michael seems a bit surprise by the question. He inhales and ruffles his hear a bit, "To be honest I'm not sure, you'll most likely will have to stay here till we figure out whats going on in that head of yours.", Michael looks at me straight into eyes and I can somehow sense that he doesn't want that to happen. "Figured as much", I say dryly. "All I wanted, was just to get back", I say sadly. All I want to is to get back. "I know", he says silently, "I know." No, you really don't.

Castiel is no where to be seen. I have called, prayed, I have demanded him to come down but still nothing. Maybe he doesn't care but I know that is not the reason. I hope he is all right.

I seem to have always some kind of guard on the door after I became restrain free. After Michael left I haven't had any visitors. I spent my time drawing protection sigils on the walls with a black marker I found. I don't really care how crazy I look because they already think that I am a nutjob. And now that Michael knows that I pretended that the med's worked so there is no use to look 'normal'. After I'm done, a nurse comes in and takes a picture of the sigils without telling me why and leaves. I sit down on the floor and rest my head against the wall. I'm so tired. Am I allowed to be tired. I would love to sleep. Eventually I do fall asleep.

The memories are chancing. What the fuck does that mean?


	13. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long to update! 
> 
> Notifications: I do not own supernatural or anything related to that. Be aware of mistakes on spelling or grammar as I'm not native English speaker.
> 
> Warnings: Nope nothing to warn about.
> 
> Kudos, review, make my day a bit brighter <3

I wake up in a bed which is kind of weird because I am pretty sure that I fell asleep against the wall. I shrug, does it really matter, I have bigger things to worry about, like what the fuck is going on. I am still attached to an IV and as much as I'd like to take it off, I wont. I know that I am still weak so I don't want to pass out or anything. I know that I am in the psych ward and let me say it sucks. I'd like to be angry, throw some stuff around, scream a bit but like it would change anything. This situation is one of the worst things that could've happened. Because I would've handled dying but being in a psychiatric hospital for the third time in my life, I just can't. The first time was okay and manageable because Sam was with me and we were there on a hunt but now and the last time there are no Sam's with me no nothing. Being a Winchester sucks.

"Good morning Dean how did you sleep?", the nurse from the last time I was here comes trough the door big goofy smile plastered on his face. God what was his name? "Fine, I guess?", I say voice dry. "Well that's good. You ready to get up and eat something?", he asks and now I remember why I liked this guy, he was always so nice and he didn't treat me like I was some kind of nutjob, he treated me like we we're in a school or something instead of a pshyc ward. I kind of wish it were. It would be a lot of easier. I just nod and we slowly make our way to the cafeteria. He sits with me while I eat and we don't really talk. "So are you my babysitter or what now?", I say bitterly. "Something like that", he says smile playing in his face, of course, his name is Thomas I suddenly remember, he told me his name when I showered for the first time when I came here. "How long?", I ask, mouth full of the weird wanna-be-potatoes. "How long I'm going to be your personal babysitter?", Thomas says eyes challenging. I nod. "Dunno, probably a week, maybe two", he says and smiles, "I am pretty sure it just all depends on you." I just shrug, well if it would depend on me I would be kicking Castiels ass right now.

"So has anything exciting happened while I was gone?", I ask out of boredom. Thomas seems to think about it but then I see him decide not to say anything and he just says: "Nothing worth to mention for." So something really happened here, and I'm gonna find out what. Not that I am really interested but just to kill time. "Yeah right.", I say with a shrug.

The day went on like it went when I was last time here expect now I have a babysitter tailing me and watching every move I make. Oh my god I am so bored. The people are the same with couple new ones and I think that at least one is gone so there is not much strangers. Not like I got to know anyone while I was here but now that I'm back I actually got couple 'hey mans' and high fives. I don't really think that getting back to a mental hospital is a situation where people should be giving high fives to each other but I went with it.

"Dean.", Thomas says taking my attention from a nature document I was watching just to kill time. "You have a session with Dr. Lawson and Dr. Swerd in five minutes.", I look up to him. "Dr. Swerd?", I say questioning cause who the fuck is that. "He is working now on your case with doctor Lawson.", Thomas says dully. Oh great now I am getting fucking shrinked by two shrinks instead of one. Great my life is getting better and better every minute.

"You know I feel really uncomfortable you staring me like that", I say when I sit in front of two shrinks. They just sit quietly both looking at me like I am something from outer space. Well I guess to them I am some kind of alien. "Are you doing this on purpose?", I say after couple of minutes, Michael doesn't react but the other man quirks his eyebrow,"you know making me uncomfortable?", I say looking straight at Michael. "No.", the other shrink, Dr. Swerd I recall says. "Whats your name?", I ask from him. "Roger Swerd.", he says, writing something down.

Well then. The shrinks are quiet, I am quiet and it's killing me as I am not the most patient person in the world. Why they won't get to the fucking point of this. And like an answer to my prayers Michael starts speaking, "We are trying to figure you out.", I feel my eyebrow going up, they are trying figure me out, I let out a dry laugh. Michael takes a deep breath and asks, "So how does it feel to be back?" I shrug, "Great, love to be back", I say voice full of venom. I know that it's no their fault but I can't help feeling pissed off.

"Dean we just can't figure you out to be honest", Roger says kindly, "you show all the symptoms of schizophrenia but you are too functioning.". "Well ever thought about of the possibility that I don't have schizophrenia?", I ask curious of their answer. The shrinks writes something down and Michael speaks up again, "What I saw on our car trip convinced me even more that indeed you have a schizophrenia", Michael brushes his hands together, "you were talking to Castiel right? Where is he?", "Good question, that's what I want to know too.", I say it pointing it to Castiel.

"So you don't know where he is?", Roger asks voice implying 'trust me'. "Nope", I say popping the p. "Dean we want that you are completely honest with us from now on, no lies, nothing", he says with an authority. "And why would I do that?", I ask, "Why would I be honest?". Michael studies me, "Why wouldn't you be?". "Cause gentlemen I don't want to spend rest of my life inside padded walls, okay?", I look at them with seriousness. "Meaning?", Roger asks. "Angels and time traveling are just a scratch from the surface, hell if I think about it, those are not even the craziest things that has happened to me."

"So you're saying that there is a lot of more going on", Michael asks voice sincere. "Yeah", I say tiredly and wipe my face with my hand. "But I already said to much, when can I leave?", I am so sick of this. "You can leave when we get on bottom of this and find the right ways to make you better.", Michael says quickly. "I meant when I can leave to my room but yeah it is nice to know that I am gonna be stuck here for awhile.", I say sarcastically. "Seriously can I go? I am still fucking tired from the blood loss I suffered not so long ago."

Both doctors looks at me shocked, "What, do I got something on my face?", C'moon let me fucking go. Michael coughs and just says, "Yeah sure you can go." As I leave the room I can hear how Michael and Roger starts chat vividly. Fuck my life. "Hey Thomas, I gotta take a nap.", I say when I see Thomas leaning against a wall. "You need a nap? Last time you were here I recall you saying something like Winchesters don't do napping.", he says huge grin plastered on his face. "Oh shut up.", I say with a small smile, I'm too tired to do anything else.

I feel like I am starting to lose pieces from my memory. Memory from the time when I was really eighteen. I don't have the memory of me getting the impala for my 18th birthday. That's not a memory anymore, I just know that's what happened but then again it didn't. I'm starting to think that me being here is chancing the plot of my life. Maybe that's what Sam meant by saying that the memories are changing. But how, why? Really I don' care if I end up with two sets of memories but what if everyone else forgets the original memories. What if me being here changes everything.

I'm sitting on my bed thinking, tiredness forgotten, replaced by worry. My head throbs and it feels like I have thousand needles poked into my skull. I gasp for breath.

I see Sam sitting on a chair eyes focused on a laptop. Why does he look so normal? His phone rings and he picks it up, "I don't know, it's like he just disappeared.", Sam says with a frown. "Dad, I know, I know, okay , yeah see you then.", The phone call ends. Sam stands up and walks over a fridge and says with a sight, "Were are you Dean?". The vision ends.

What the fuck. What an actual fuck is going on. And Dad? Dads not even alive anymore. It strucks me. The future has changed. God damn it the future has changed. I can't breath. I feel something getting up my throath and I end up puking my guts out. Nurses come in. "Don't touch me.", I whisper when they try to get me moving. But they don't listen. They don't listen my pleads to leave me alone. They don't understand that I don't want them here or if they do they don't care. I feel the memories fade even more, like the future doesn't even exist. I feel tears go down my cheeks, I feel lost. I am lost.

"Castiel. I've tried to scream to get your attention but you won't answer. Please I need you. Something is wrong. Something is wrong Cas and I don't know how to fix it. The future has changed, the future is different. I saw Sam Cas. He, he was umm he looked different, more alive I guess. I hate to admit this but I'm scared, I'm so afraid that I can't go back. And I'm scared that if I do get back, that the world I left is not the same. Please help me Castiel.", I mumble silently as I feel a pinch of a needle. My vision gets dark and I fall asleep as the sedatives kick in.

I wake up headache pulsing painfully. I want to close my eyes and fall back asleep but I force myself to get up on a sitting position. My vision is blurry and spotty because I got up too fast but I don't care. I don't care anymore. I don't even know what to think. I don't want to think. I put my head into my hands wiping the tears that are threatening to come. "Are you crying?", I hear a young voice asking a little bit mockingly. I look up and see a boy who can't be more than sixteen. "Uh, no the headache makes my eyes watery", I blurt out. "Yeah sure", the boy says and drops on the bed next to me. "You caused nice scene yesterday.", he says looking at my reaction, has the day already changed?. "Oh well, someone had to.", I say biting my lip. "You know you could ask some pain med's for that.", the boy says clearly seeing the pain I'm in. "Yeah well we'll see", I mumble.

The boy gets up and looks at me expectantly, "Wanna come eat with me?", "Sure", I say to the kid and follow him with slow steps to the cafeteria. We eat in silence and I see Thomas looking at me surprised. Apparently they didn't think I was going to get up for breakfast. I eat slowly and see that the boy only eats couple of bites and seems to be finished. "You're not hungry?", I ask looking pointedly at the boy. "No uh, I don't really like eating", he says with a shrug. I just nod, the boy is just utterly weird. As I am done the boy gets up and takes a grasp from my wrist and leads me to the day room. Gosh he is really weird. "Want to play a game?", he asks excitely. I just nod which causes my vision to go black for a second. "You okay man?", the kid asks. "Yeah, yeah, just hold on a sec.", I hear myself saying. I regain my vision and sit down and start playing monopoly with the kid.

"How do we play this?", I ask looking at the board. The kid's jaw drops, "You have never played monopoly?", he asks horrified. I shake my head, no."Seriously?", he asks voice high, I nod, "Have you lived in a box or something, okay let me explain it to you." The kid explains the game to me and we start playing and let me say it's not the worst game I've played.

We play and the kid ends up winning. And actually I'm glad he did because he got all happy, so if me losing makes someone else's life less miserable then I'm all in. I see Thomas looking at us smiling. The boy glances at a clock and says, "Oh I gotta go, my therapy session is starting, see ya", I don't even have time to say bye because the boy is gone so quickly.

It was nice to have something else to think about for awhile but now I'm again all alone with my thoughts. I walk back and worth in the day room trying to figure out what to do but my mind is blank. I really would like to know where Castiel is but there has been no sing of him yet.

My therapy session starts again and I decide ask something I just now realized. Dad hasn't visited. "Umm do you know when my dad is coming to see me?", I ask warily. Michael's face gets a shade paler, "Dean, I don't now how to say this.", he mumbles making my heart race. "Say what?", I ask voice raising.

"Dean, your father left the town".


	14. John left town

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 14! 
> 
> Warnings: Mentions of suicide.
> 
> Notification: Still don't own anything! Be aware of the mistakes in grammar, spelling etc.

My heart sinks. Dad left town. Dad left town, I hear my self laugh. He finally had enough. I can't be too surprised that dad got off on to the road. It's not in his nature to stay still when there are monsters to kill. Even though I feel like shit, I understand that this was the last drop, dad couldn't take this shit anymore. I get it, I do. I wonder what did he say to Sam or did he just tell him to back his packs and wait in the car. I hope that they would've said goodbye. "Dad left town, when?", I say voice shaking. Michael has a concerned frown, "Apparently he took of the night you came here into the hospital", Michael says carefully. "Okay.", I says silently. I hurts but I'm not gonna swim in self pity longer than I have to. "You seem pretty okay with the news.", Roger says eyes searching. I huff, "Well to be honest, I am surprised it took him this long to leave.", "It sucks but I knew it would've happened one day.", I say with a sad smile.

The doctors look at me puzzled,"You knew he would leave?", I Michael asks warily, sparing a glance to Roger. I nod, "The world doesn't get saved on it's own.", I say just making the shrinks even more confused than they were. "Saved?", Roger pushes. I can feel my lips curve into a grin, "He saves people.", I say. "From what?", Michael looks straight into my eyes. "From the things that hide in the shadows.", I say dropping the bomb I have kept inside all of the time I've been here. Even tough I last time told them, told myself that I wouldn't tell them what's really going on but dad left, I don't really find myself caring do they know or not.

"Your father hunts monsters?", Michael asks voice calm. "My father, me and Sammy.", I say staring at my hands. There are white bandages on both of wrists, covering the ugly stitches underneath . There'll be nice scars when the wounds would be fully healed. "It's kinda you know, a family business", I say looking up from my arms. "Why didn't your dad say anything about this?", Roger says eyes clear with curiosity.

"Well I have pretty clear picture that he would've found his way into a place like this after a reveal like that.", I say chuckling. Roger just nods but then Michael has a question. "But if you hunt monsters then why are you here Dean, why didn't your dad just take you with him and leave?"

I feel my insides go cold, I swallow. "Well apparently time traveling and angels were a bit too much.", "Why didn't your spell work?", Michael asks making me surprised with the question. "I don't know.", I say looking at Michael straight into his eyes. "I don't know what went wrong and why it didn't work, because it was supposed to.", I continue silently. I see from the corner of my that Roger makes notes. "Did someone tell you to do the spell, Dean?", he asks. "Well yeah Cas did.", I say looking at my hands again. "He said it'll work but clearly it didn't", I say bitterly. "Fucking angel." I see Roger looking at me amused. "What?", I spat.

"Nothing, I just it's weird seeing someone curse to angels and call God a dick", Roger says with a chuckle, " people with religious tendencies in schizophrenia usually adore God and angels but you clearly don't.", I just look at him tiredly. "Well I'm not like everyone else, you see, even in the schizophrenia world I'm my own special little butterfly", I say sarcastically. "We've noticed.", Michael says eyes on the note pad in his hands. "You know what, I used to think that angels, God, heaven and all that is just crap.", I say after a minute of silence. "What changed your mind?", both shrinks says at the same time. "Well seeing is believing, right.", I chuckle, "And Castiel kept screaming with his angelic voice breaking windows until the idiot figured that I couldn't understand him.", "But still even though they exist they are still full of crap, so my line of thought was never wrong, I just know more now.", I say. Gosh Cas where are you. "Interesting", Roger says clearly unintentionally. I just close my eyes, yeah interesting is one word to describe it.

I have been here for about a week and everything has been normal, well as much as close to normality you can get in a psych ward. But one thing has been bugging me out, no two things. Or actually hundred things is close to the truth but let's stay in the two. The first thing is that here is some serious electrical problems or they are something entirely else going on. I think it is the latter because two suicides in a week can't be coincidence even though we are in a mental hospital. I'm going to snoop around bit, find out what am I hunting. I'm kind of excited to get to hunt something even though it is probably just a plain old ghost in the need to move on.

And the second thing which had been bothering me is that I haven't gotten any medication, nothing. It's not like I'm complaining or anything because I'm more light headed and all. I maybe should ask about it but I'm kind of scared that if I do ask about it they will start pumping me up full of meds. I am in the day room once again, watching TV to kill time.

"Get off of me!", I hear a scream behind me, "You don't fucking understand!", I turn around and see a boy trying to fight off some nurses. "What's wrong honey?", One of the female nurses says shootingly. The boy is pale and trembling, "No, no, NO!", He shakes his head, tears falling down his cheeks. The nurses try to calm him unsuccessfully. "Wren was here.", The boy says through a sob. They sedate him and the scene is over. Now I'm pretty sure that yes, indeed we have ghost here.

Wren by rumors killed himself three months ago.

**Author's Note:**

> And I promise this will get somewhat better. And my plan is to post two chapters per week. But yeah thx for reading, hope you like it and do not leave with out commenting please!


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